Nerdboy is out jogging. We had sex this morning, after a very busy week, during which we were quite grumpy at each other more than once. I have a harder time relaxing the muscles after a 'week off', and I can have some pain, and he'll be impatient and won't last long... Anyways, it wasn't great but it was fine. I never did go to physio, have to look into my health insurance policy to see if I can afford it.
Sometimes I just can't believe this has all happened to me.
I haven't been cuddled this much since I was a little child.
And now I live with this man from the internet, a man who's done everything sexually and I suspect has tried most narcotics too. That's all in the past but we both remark on how strange it is that we're together. "I do think it's funny I ended up with a virgin." "Hon, I never expected you. I thought I'd get a virgin!"
He'll be reading in bed and glance over and find me staring at him.
I'm just trying to understand the foreignness of another person. Strange strange man! I've never really been close to someone. Living with someone is bizarre. And wonderful. And frustrating.
I'm still not sure I understand his bisexuality. I know he's been in relationships with men. I tried to picture him kissing a man and couldn't do it. Mostly I just ignore it. Sometimes he comments on how hot some actor is. We don't have the same taste in men!
Besides, I'm not sexually attracted to just the physical. My crushes have an element of the chaste to them. Sex for me is still new and needs a great deal of trust. Maybe it's partly how men and women view sex?Although my friends will comment on 'hot guys' whereas I never have. (I do love Colin Firth, but it's not about what he looks like.)
I read an article on a married couple where the man was bisexual and after 15 years together, he wanted to explore that side of his sexuality. They agreed he could sleep with other people, and then opened up their relationship so she could too, and had threesomes and foursomes. I didn't show the article to Nerdboy, but it's in the back of my mind. Is that what we end up doing if we stay together? I can't picture it. Cannot picture me there at all.
I think I would let him have affairs if it were just about sex. Better to be open about it than sneaking around.
This is moral grey area for me and it's weird to even being weighing these possibilities in my mind.
Nerdboy just helped me build a big art installation out of cardboard for an art festival. I couldn't have done with without him, he wouldn't have done it without me. He loved it. I wanted to pay him and he refused.
We already have another project (and another deadline!). We did fight a little during the last one but this might be our weird 'togetherness' thing.
He is really being supportive. He said he was investing in me and my career. Damn it, he might just be good for me!
Because of the installation, I have some money in the bank this month! Not sure what's happening next with my career, but I am trying to make things happen and it's exciting.
