Lonely

Yesterday I just felt so lonely.  Walrus spent the whole day napping in my bed and I crawled in beside him and he didn't even stir he was sleeping so deeply.  I lay there looking at his back and thinking about things.
I need to talk to him about the drinking.  I can't handle it.  Getting drunk twice weekly isn't really a quality I want in a life partner.  Not that I feel that way about him... I don't think I'm in love.  If we separated, I would miss the cuddling and the feeling of having someone, but I don't feel I know him or that we've connected deeply or anything.  That's sad.  Maybe it's not fair to him.  Right now I think I'm helping him.
He didn't drink this week so I'm pretending the issue isn't as big as it is.
One night he sent me a text out of the blue that said I deserved better than 'damaged goods', and I didn't need to be saddled with his stuff, and that he was just a bum...It went on and on like this.  I of course said I didn't feel like that, that I loved him, etc.
There is a small part of me that is throwing a little tantrum inside.  Why do I get this?  I waited 30 years.  This is the best I can do?  And I grieve the years that have gone by, the experiences I didn't have, all the loneliness and all the self-criticism... Am I going to be a wife and mother?  Now that it's a possibility it seems farther away than ever.
I shouldn't speak of him just as a burden.  He's a person struggling with some difficult stuff and behind the stroke is a person I really like.
I'm doing this internship right now; I'm only three weeks in.  I have a long commute so it's ten hour days and I'm adjusting to the schedule.   Right now I'm tired right out.  Walrus is missing me during the day so I go out of my way to see him in the evening and he stays over on the weekends.  I try and get a few chores done but I feel like I should always be exercising, drawing, working on stuff to move my life forward, and all I do is nap with him and watch TV.  I'm not really seeing my friends either...
Anyways.  I'm just very tired right now.