Walrus Redux

I have been so busy lately with a bunch of art gigs.  I would have actually made some money this week if I hadn't gotten a parking ticket.  Sigh.
(Note to self:  start charging more)

I'm very tired but there's a big question on my mind.  Walrus and I are in some kind of weird grey area between 'just friends' and 'a couple'.
It's like platonic dating.  Our old relationship, minus the kissing.  Perhaps even a deeper emotional connection at this point.
I talk to him every day (OK, we send text messages, not talk) and say good night to him every night.  When I'm sad/frustrated/sick/worried/etc I tell him about it, and he turns to me when he needs comfort as well.
I mentioned we held hands when our friend died.
After that, he gave me more hugs, longer hugs.  He's called me 'dear' a few times.  He brought me a cookie and instead of putting it in my hand he tried to feed it to me.  Small gestures, just a little too intimate for just friends.
And the weird thing is, I'm fine with all of this until I stop to think about it.
I'm initiating some of this stuff as well- I was the one who reached for his hand....

But I don't want to drift back together because we're lonely or because it's a habit...I want us, both of us, to deliberately choose what our relationship is going to be.
And I want him to declare himself, not try out these little gestures to see how I react.  We did this before.  I balked and he withdrew.
I'm longing to hear three little words:  "I appreciate you."   Even if we're just friends.

I'm going to ask him what's going on.   I can't move on if we're this close.  And if we are this close, we might as well put back the kissing element into the relationship.

Maybe you've seen this article about harsh truths of life.  There's supposed to be six truths, but they're basically the same point over and over again.  It's written for a male audience and says so.  However, the main premise is that the world does not care about you; it cares about how you can help it meet its needs.  That goes for employers and potential love partners.  What can you offer other people?  What do you bring to the job/relationship?

I'm still thinking it over.  I still need a job- I think I have skills but don't know how to show people what I can do.
And what about me is dateable?  Lovable?  How much am I willing to change to make myself more attractive to a broader audience?
What could Walrus bring to a relationship?  What needs of mine does he meet?

Because I know all the things he does that drive me crazy, and I know how he screwed up in the past, and I have a feeling I have to try a relationship with someone else at some point in my life, and yet I still am pretty much okay with getting back together.