Road trip report

Nerdboy and I survived our first trip together.  We still seem to like each other.
I did get a glimpse of the ways we'll drive each other crazy later.

We went a 5 hours drive from the city to attend my uncle's wedding.  My uncle was single again, after a marriage and a long term girlfriend, and somehow reconnected with his high school crush, 40 years later.  A month after they got together, he found out he had cancer.  She decided to stick with it and so they got married.  It was a big deal for me to attend because I haven't talked to my father in over a year and thus haven't seen his side of the family.

Nerdboy is super organized and bought all the food and planned the route.  He also tended to pick the music.  He likes to listen to a whole album, or everything by one artist; I like to just let it shuffle for as much variety as possible.  Perhaps I should have insisted on my music for a bit, but I think the rule should be 'Driver's choice'.  I won't go into all my little complaints but travelling shows how the other person deals with stress.  We're both neurotic in different ways.  There will be fights in the future.  Must learn to keep perspective.

He was going to split the costs of the trip with me but I insisted it was my responsibility to pay.  I couldn't even believe he was coming along.  Meeting all my family at once can hardly be fun for him.  Dealing with my dad was awkward; Nerdboy wanted to snub him to support me but didn't....  Dad thinks things are fine again and I could hardly talk to him about it in the middle of a family event.  But we endured the social strain of the family gathering; Nerdboy got along with my cousins, nobody interrogated him, and we got to sleep in a tent together.

Oh yeah, we were supposed to not do sexy things for a week because of my yeast infection, doctor's orders.  That didn't last.  He was going nuts and kept saying suggestive things to me, and so there was a lot of touching.  Probably wasn't the best idea but the worst of the infection seems to be over.  It was only a week ago he managed to get the tip of his penis in.  I want to try that again but we held off.  We're both longing to be able to have penetrative sex but he is being really really great about doing the things we can do and enjoying it.

Now that he's officially my boyfriend and a big part of my life, I feel funny about blogging about him and keeping this blog secret from him.  So maybe I blog about progress with sex or any major milestones without blogging about him personally.  I've already shared his personal stuff so that's crappy of me.  Not sure what to do.

Also I got an email from a reader asking if maybe I was just in love with having someone rather than with him.  (Is anyone else having problems commenting?  I really don't know how to fix it, but I do occasionally check the gmail address for this blog.)

That is a danger for lonely people, just taking anybody who comes along.  I guess everybody has doubts in a new relationship.  Is this going to work?  Is he the one?  Does he still like me?  If Nerdboy is preoccupied I'm sure he's falling out of love with me, and I know he's equally as insecure.
And the beginning of a relationship is so wonderful and it will gradually lose some magic so why not keep finding new love and adventures to keep it exciting?  I don't want this 'honeymoon' to end.  He's already telling me about his bowel movements.

(Side note:  at the family gathering I observed some life-long married couples, who have been together 40 or 50 years, taking care of each other in their old age and it was very touching.  Can't help but want that.)

With Walrus it was probably more 'This is what it's like to have a boyfriend' rather than that I was actually in love with him.  With Nerdboy, I find we actually laugh more, plan more, can't keep our hands off each other.... I'm having a lot of fun.  I gaze at him adoringly.  We have strengths that can compliment each other.
On the other hand, he doesn't share my environmental values and lifestyle.  He can be a bit bitter and socially awkward.  Sometimes I think about my crush on Big Hands and wish Nerdboy had some of his idealism and generous nature.  But in general, it really feels like it's working.  We keep looking at each other and saying, "it's only been five weeks since we met!  How did we get to this point?"  And he talks about living together and even marriage and it's way too soon but I am relatively not freaked out by the idea.  My friend in the North moved to a new province (ok, territory for the Canadians in the crowd) to be with someone she'd only spent a week with and it's working for her.

So I don't know.  Maybe we're both just lonely people but I have a feeling a lot of relationships start that way.  Nerdboy has his demons and I haven't had to deal with them yet, but I can sense what they are.  And I have my ideals and dreams that maybe aren't compatible with his in the long run (having children?  living off the land?) but I tend to want my dearest people in my life to be exactly like me, and maybe that's not the right thing for me.  Love is a lot more complicated than that.  I think I might subscribe to the "love the one you're with" philosophy.  If we both get something out of it, what else matters?  I seem to have stopped being cautious, I was trying for a bit.