lost and confused, so what else is new?

Let's see.... totally froze up at a job interview this week.  hating myself because of it.  I needed that job!

I'm still looking at moving, so I'm going to visit another city this weekend.

It's hard not knowing where to jump.  Meanwhile, I've been at Mom's six months now, and no plans to get my own place.  No plans, no funds.

I'm hardly working right now.

I reopened dating profile on OKC.  No interesting messages.  Depressing.

I hesitate to message people when I am thinking of leaving town....

Nerdboy...

I didn't talk to him for a month but I still had him on facebook.  I saw he was having a hard time from a 'vaguebook' sad post, and started an online conversation with him.  He was worried about his mom's health.  He was really happy I'd reached out.

We didn't talk after that.  I took his posts out of my newsfeed, but I still went to his page like a freakin' STALKER.  

I could see he'd made some new female friends and was going nuts wondering if he was dating any of them.  Three of them, and they comment on his posts all the time.  And one day I got an invite from Nerdboy to a movie he knows I wouldn't like.... one of the new friends' names also starts with 'El...'

Did he click on the wrong person in sending the invite?  I shouldn't even be wondering that.

I unfriended him.

And I went a little crazy not being able to check on him but it was probably for the best...

But I saw he was online one day about a week later and I said 'sorry i unfriended you'

which started a weird conversation where at one point he said 'I'm just not cool enough or interesting enough'  

I was confused.  "For a new job?"

"For anything.  Or maybe I just don't know how to be happy"

I ended the conversation.  I don't want to hear about his dating fails (which I think was what he meant by being uninteresting...) and if he has regrets about losing me...that just stirs things up.  As you will read. I really should just stay away.

But I think it was the day after that, a friend request came in on facebook, from Nerdboy.

So I think we were not friends for a whole week.  

At the same time, he sent me a message-- 'So I sent you a friend request and it can just wait until you're ready.  Or you can delete it.'

A friend request hanging there from him would just have so much emotional weight to it.  Why couldn't he just let me decide when I was ready to do that?

I just accepted it.

I was kinda thinking he wasn't dating any of those women, and missing me.  Sigh!  Ego.

I went to get some stuff of mine he still had.  He came out from his house and loaded up my car.  He had all these little gifts for me- fresh cooking and frozen berries.

I said...Do you want to go for a walk? 

He paled.  'I have a friend over......  another time?'

I got in the car.  He went back in the house, pausing twice to look back at me.

When I got home I found out the friend was the other 'El' woman because she'd posted pictures of their dinner.  She likes everything he posts on facebook and accepts all his 'Does anybody want to do this thing with me?' open invites.

And he'd shared one of my environmental events, and because she likes everything he does, she'd said she was going.

Making them the two most clueless people on the planet.