Book Review Times Two: "The Social Animal" and "Quiet"

I think book titles should probably be underlined, not in quotation marks, but on the internet that means hyperlink so I don't know what to do.

I realized I am desperate to talk about books with someone.  Sad face.

I am reading all these books, I have stacks of books everywhere, in some kind of desperate attempt to learn how the world works and to find my place in it.  I want answers.  I read books that are vaguely self-helpy or about human psychology, and I read a lot of books about politics, the environment and saving the world.  I have lots of new ideas that I want to discuss with someone to see if they're any good.  Some ideas are political- I used to talk to my brother about this stuff but now he has two babies, so he's unavailable.  Some ideas are personal and I talk about them here, to myself and to the great anonymous Internet.


Review #1  The Social Animal, by David Brooks

I have been meaning to write about this book for a while, but now I've returned the book to the library and won't be able to go into as much detail as I wanted to.  Brooks is a writer for the New York Times (and a few other highbrow publications.) He undertook this massive project of looking at all the latest research in neuroscience and psychology and applying it to every part of human life- our experiences at school, work, and relationships to the bigger picture stuff of politics and culture.  It's an attempt to understand the unconscious mind and how the way the human mind works shapes human life.

He does this by making up a fictional couple, Harold and Erica, following them through their lives, so the book reads like a bad novel mashed up with a psychology text book.  At first I thought their story was a great frame for all the research but after a while I grew tired of it.  It makes the reading choppy.

The human brain is so cool though!  Every few pages I found something to think about.
The two things that stood out for me:

One of the early chapters has Harold's parents meeting and falling in love, and the stuff that goes on in our brains when that happens.  If you find the book in the bookstore, maybe find that chapter and read it (until the store owner starts to frown at you!)
Brains change when they interact with other brains.  That means who I am is not a finished product that I broadcast to you when we talk- who I am is CREATED by my responses to your brain, and vice versa.  It's not just brains in love, it's every interaction with other people, but imagine two brains spending a lifetime together becoming more and more alike.

The second thing was the overlying theme of the whole book.  The rational, conscious brain is only a tiny part of how we operative.  The conscious brain is level 2, and it rests on a foundation of the unconscious brain and our emotions.  The world is so complicated, we are getting so much sensory input, that the unconscious has all these processes to sort information for us, to make split second decisions.  It's necessary so we don't go crazy, but occasionally the unconscious brain does weird things.  If people are shown five pairs of nylon panty-hose in a row on a counter and are told to pick the highest quality pair, they always pick the one on the far right, even though they're all identical.  If people are given a mug they are told is worth $5, and then the researcher offers to buy it back for $7, they usually choose to keep the mug.  And the book has example after example like that (mostly from research on how people buy things- don't believe for a second you've made a rational decision when shopping!)

At the end the author notes that people aren't all that rational, and they are TERRIBLE at predicting what decisions will make them happy.  Will you be happy with this purchase, this job, this partner a year from now?  You simply have no idea, so just trust your gut and dive in.

Review #2  Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain

I've only started reading this one.  I am a classic introvert who prefers small groups and deep conversations. The book tells me what I want to hear.  Extroverts rush into things!  Everyone thinks Extroverts are smart for doing all the talking at meetings, but that doesn't mean they are! Extroverts live in the moment and can't reflect!

It feels good to bash extroverts, because they're usually the ones getting all the glory, but the premise of the book is that both (all) types of people have something to contribute.

Cain explains her theory about why introverts get the short end of the stick.  When everybody lived on farms, it didn't really matter whether you were an introvert or extrovert.  It mattered if you could get your crops to grow and it mattered whether you had good character.  That changed when people moved to the cities to work in business.  Suddenly you had to be a good salesman, good at selling yourself.  'How to Win Friends and Influence People" was a best seller.  Self-help books talked about being charming, being magnetic, being a personality rather than being honest and ethical and hard-working.

So that got me all fired up.  Society doesn't value me!  It doesn't value good character!  It doesn't value deep thinking!

When I was in school I had to take a 'leadership' class.  We went on an outdoor survival trip- a three day hike in small groups.  In that situation, physical fitness became a sign of leadership.  I was the slowest person, so I wasn't respected.  But, I was a Girl Guide for 10 years!  I know how to camp.  I can tie knots and pick the best spot for the tent.  I couldn't get anyone to listen to me.  One young man was a 'natural leader' and he did take charge, but he didn't always have good ideas and he didn't look for the talents of other people in the group, but all the others were happy to follow him.  Happy to sleep in a soggy tent too, I suppose.  It was such a miserable experience.  I should have quit school right then, instead of doing two more years with those people.  It was like high school all over again.

I can see why oratory skills are admired, and confidence, and being fun at parties but I am a damn smart cookie and can be a leader too,quietly.  I hope the book helps me find out how to do things my way.