Last night I went to a new pub in town with a bunch of people I know from volunteering. The pub is geek-themed, with cheesy medieval/fantasy and sci-fi decor, and a wall of board games. The place was packed about a week after it opened and has been going strong ever since. Surprisingly, there were a lot of cute guys there.
I'm not much of a geek myself, although I do like the original Star Wars, but my friends tend to be quite geeky so I get the references. I was just happy to find a place where I felt comfortable, where they weren't showing Ultimate Fighting or football on the TV (they placed Firefly episodes instead) and where people were playing board games and having a relatively wholesome good time (with beer.)
Some social observations:
I was confused by the hipster-geeks. What, you play D&D ironically?
I think it's weird how people chose a tribe and adopt the whole look/lifestyle/values/interests/way of thinking. I don't want to be a geek, hipster, goth, art school trendster. I just want to be me.
Fortunately the people I was with last night are very good at being themselves too, and the conversation was great. I didn't say much though. I think I have a hearing problem. When it's loud I can't pick out the individual words people are saying and I just smile and nod awkwardly, not sure what I'm agreeing to. This is why I like my social time to be small groups in quiet places! And I am terrible at jumping into conversations, and if the topic is anything on the deeper end of the scale, I like to think about what other people are saying and chew it over in my own mind....Basically by the time I'm ready to speak, the conversation has moved on.
Still had a good time though.
In other news:
I had mentioned there was this leadership training for the movement to stop climate change. They extended the deadline and so I figured I might as well fill out the form. I don't think I'll get picked but it was worth doing.
I don't think I want to meet Jasper and have to tell him so. Ugh. I've got two other OKC messages I don't feel like dealing with either. Why am I so not into OKC right now? Don't know, but I'm actually thinking of hiding my profile for a bit.
I have the same problem with picking out the words in people's speech in noisy places. It's one of the things which puts me off pubs/bars/clubs. I try to lip-read a bit to help fill in the gaps but often I don't succeed.
ReplyDeleteI'm curious as to why you are wanting to avoid the potential dates from OK Cupid (I'm sure you could have guessed that I would be!) What harm would it do just to spare a couple of evenings to meet these guys, just in case? Of course I'm not trying to push you into doing something if you just really don't want to do it, but it seems like sometimes you ask "what am I doing wrong?" but then you avoid chances to change the pattern.
I did write and tell Jasper I wasn't that into it. If I'm not excited to meet a guy, I feel like I'm wasting his time (and maybe his money, if he picks up the tab.) I wouldn't want to go out with someone who was just practicing dating, or who was absolutely dreading the evening...
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure why Jasper got the thumbs down. He did a few things 'wrong' and nothing really 'right'. I just didn't feel we connected in any way or that we would connect upon meeting. It just started out on the wrong foot and never got better. I wish I could see the fun in meeting new people, but all I could see was an awkward evening and an awkward 'no thanks' at the end.
I know that's part of dating, but I have to have at least some hope of a positive outcome.
The other two OKC messages this week were from a really obese man (and I try to look beyond appearances, but...no) and a 'bisexual, married' man, also not an option.
I'm just really getting discouraged.
Internet dating is a bit unnatural and I'm not really liking it (although I know it has worked for a lot of couples). I have a little dream of being asked out face to face (something that only happened to me once and that was by a man who liked to wear women's clothes)
I don't want to be picky and make up reasons to reject people but I don't want to feel like I have to accept any invite I get. I think that could actually be damaging to my self-esteem. I just want to feel some tiny spark of excitement about a guy. I don't think it's too much to ask. Maybe the guys who are writing to me are as unsuitable as I think they are; maybe I'm just not ready to date again. I'm not going to force it just yet.
I'd rather actively decide not to date right now while I work on my health and my career, and laugh off these clueless messages I'm getting instead of letting them set the standard for what I think I can get.
Fair enough - I didn't mean that you had to accept invites from just anyone, and certainly not from a married guy, and not a really obese guy either if you're not at all attracted to him. If you feel that bad dates could be damaging to your self-esteem then I can see why you wouldn't want to go on them.
DeleteI guess I was confused by the Jasper situation because it seems to have been dragging on for a while, so I thought he had to have something going for him for you to keep in touch for all this time and so it might be worth meeting to check. But of course you're in a better position to judge this because I'm only hearing little bits and pieces.
Yes, working on your health and career does sound good. I can see why you would want to focus on those things. If that means that dating has to take a back seat for a bit then I can understand that.