Happy and terrified

Well, every day is a new adventure.
I am spending the weekend with Nerdboy.  He had to go into work so I am quickly writing down some little things that have happened.
After the conversation about blowjobs (I hate that word) he said he wanted to read me something.
(I had told him I am friends with a couple who read aloud to each other, and have been together for 17 years.  I really wanted to try that and he jumped on the idea, and has picked out enough reading material for a lifetime. We're starting with Roald Dahl.)
The selection he read to me, however, was not suitable for children.  It had a description of a BJ in it, I guess that's why he picked it, but it contained a graphic description of a fairly violent sex act.
I really don't know what he was thinking.  I just sat there and he knew it hadn't gone over well.  I didn't sleep over that night, I had planned to spend at least some time at the new place, but he wanted me to stay and sort of pouted.  Then we made out anyways, then I had to run for the last night bus back to my place.  At least we live close to each other.
In the morning I woke up thinking, "Did he read me a story about rape?  Why did he do that?"
So I lay in bed thinking about my relationship with my own sexuality compared with Nerdboy's with his.
I resolved to talk about it with him.
The book was still on the table when I went back to his place that night.  And he picked it up and talked about it.  I told him it had made me uncomfortable and that associating violence and pain with sex is probably NOT HELPFUL right now for my problem.  And I tried to talk to him about how little interest I had in sex for so long.  He told me about losing his virginity (13!) and figuring out he liked both sexes and telling his parents.  He said he's pretty open to any sex act or fetish but there's a few things he's said no to.

It took me a while but I finally spit out that I had looked at some porn just to see how this sex thing worked, but that reading something spicy, without pictures, worked a lot better for me.  So we might add some erotic fiction to our sexy times.

I am so embarrassed to admit I have desires or want to try things.

So last night I slept over at his place and we didn't actually do sexy things hardly at all.  He helped me move one last load of stuff and he was so tired he fell asleep while cuddling on the couch.  I just lay there.  He slept for a long time.  He'd wake up long enough to mumble how nice it was and fall back asleep.  His apartment is a loft and I said I wished it would rain.  I could imagine us curled up in bed listening to the rain on the roof. I knew it would happen in the future and I was really happy and secure.  And later it did start to rain  hard, and we got up and had a midnight snack and went and stood on his balcony.  We were only in our underwear, but it was dark.  We just hugged and stroked each other's backs....and chests....and watched the rain and I was so unbelievable happy I kept burying my face in his neck, and then looking up at him and grinning.
I think my innocence appeals to him.  Maybe it's the only thing he hasn't tried, maybe it makes him feel good to be the first one to do things with me.  I am all blushes and modesty and then I say something cheeky. Mostly I just smile at him and say I can't believe this is happening.  Sometimes my eyes fill with tears but he hasn't seen that yet.

I thought no one would ever want me but he says he loves me.
I am terrified when he talks of being with me forever.  He says he doesn't care about penetration, but how can such a sexual person be satisfied with what my body and my prudishness are willing to do?