I am very excited about meeting Newfie but I should just stay off the internet. I found his meetup profile and he's in two singles groups, so obviously searching quite seriously.
But not, it seems, for love.
I just now decided to look at his profile again to think of things to talk about tomorrow. I looked at 'The Two of Us' tab which compares our answers to personality questions.
To 'What are you most interested in right now?' - he said 'sex.' I said 'love'.
He said 'Yes' to 'Would you dump someone for being bad at sex?' I said 'No.'
He wanted his forever partner to be the 'best sex of his life' and eep- was 'very interested' in group sex.
Ugh. Internet dating. I don't want to know all this stuff before I meet the guy. Now I'm convinced I'm going to be rejected. Not that this will come up the first date, I hope, but it will be in the back of my mind.
HUGE MEGA INSECURITIES ABOUT SEX AND NOT BEING DESIRABLE/EXPERIENCED ALL RISING AND GIVING ME TUMMYACHE.
I think that some of those quiz questions are too restrictive in the options offered for answers. Maybe he's interested in sex and love but wasn't sure which one to pick. And the "dumping someone for being bad at sex" thing - I guess there wasn't a "let's give it a few months and see if we can work together on what we both want" option. I do agree that the group sex answer seemed quite far towards one end of the spectrum though.
ReplyDeleteWhen you met Walrus, and that other guy last year, it seemed like you were much calmer on the date itself than beforehand, so hopefully the same can happen here. Don't forget - if he likes you and you like him then that'll help things to flow better and it'll be OK to be nervous. If you don't click, it's still useful experience to have done some more dating, and it'll help in preparation for the future. In any case - good luck, and I'll cross my fingers!
It's really quite normal to feel worried before the first date (as before virtually any social situation where you are meeting somebody new). And it is also very normal for you to feel somewhat apprehensive about how this date will turn out - especially having had past experience of dealing with Walrus, and seeing the responses in his profile that are definitely very far from the values that are important to you.
ReplyDeleteIn this situation, it would be best to go on this date, but instead of placing huge expectations on it (that you will meet your Prince Charming and live happily ever after straight away), just to keep your eyes open and watch very closely how he acts. If he is some crazed maniac, you can always distance yourself from him without feeling obliged to hang out with him any further. But chances also are, that he may be essentially a rather nice guy who may have filled in all those unsavoury details as a sarcastic or ironic "joke" - I have met plenty of young men in my lifetime who were as awful and as salacious as Casanova in their online profiles or articles they wrote for a student paper, but in reality turned out to be mild-mannered, shy young gentlemen using the audacious words to combat their shyness or to seem funny and amusing. You never know. As long as you keep to the basic dating safety rules, don't let yourself get pressurised to do anything you personally do not want, and keep your eyes peeled for any "red flags" in his behaviour, there shouldn't be any trouble.
It is certainly frustrating to have to go through this whole dating game, and having to decide whether X or Y or Z is or is not right for you. However, a) it gives you more experience of dealing with people, b) your prince is out there, and c) it is far better than being married to some dull fellow just to avoid solitude!
Good luck with the date - hope it goes well for you!
No veren! :) Enjoy the day!
Elf
Also about rejection. Don't forget that it's also you who is going on that date to see whether this person is right for you, so you are also doing the choosing. If he turns out to be great, he will not reject you. And if he turns out to be horrid? All the better to be rid of him asap then!
ReplyDeleteDon't think too hard about whether he is going to accept you. You are going on this date to have fun and to meet somebody new to see how it goes!
Elf