Happy You-know-what Day.
Sigh. Least favourite holiday. My mom sometimes gets me chocolate. It's embarrassing, but at least I get chocolate! She didn't this year.
Today's been pretty crappy. The five day gig I'm doing is a gong show. I'm making the best of it, but they've got me outside in a tent and today it was cold and wet. I made my mother pick me up. I'm still shivering a bit and I've been home for an hour! I'm exhausted. One more day to go.
My dog's got an upset stomach tonight, to top it all off. He had an accident in the house while my mom was out picking me out. Great. Mom's going out, so I'll stay home and watch the sick dog. What, the cable's not working again? I spent half an hour on the phone with the cable company yesterday getting that fixed.
So far, a fabulous day.
I think I'm going to have a cry when Mom leaves and I'm alone in the house.
You see, I just looked at facebook and got some big news. Oh facebook, you are so often hurtful.
Walrus posted two things - one in French, which I got Google to translate- something about 'Today I have a princess to mend my broken heart.' The other one read 'Happy Valentine's Day, (tagged name of girl I don't know) you are my favourite.'
Oh.
Well, thanks for giving me the heads up Walrus. I would have said something to you, if I had a new person, and we could have talked about what our friendship would look like in the future.
Only two days ago, Walrus was texting me because Evil Ex sent him a weird message about being 'still invested' in his recovery, and it really upset him. I tried to be sympathetic but quickly bowed out of the conversation.
I wonder if he's jumped the gun a little because he's still hurting over Evil Ex- he talked about kissing me and used the 'L' word before we met, and was 'in a relationship' on facebook after a few dates...This new girl might not be on board. I wasn't.
It doesn't matter. Why should I say such things? If he was good enough for me, he's good enough for some other girl. If she can put up with having to pay for everything and him being an hour late for everything, she can have him!
Poor Walrus. He just wants someone to love him as he is. I didn't.
But I was good to him, and a loyal friend. I never got publicly thanked on facebook! There's very little evidence of us as a couple on facebook, maybe none, which is how I wanted it, but now that I think of it, it's a little weird. Anyways, I guess it's just ego. I did want to be the princess who could help him rebuild but I wasn't. I just got to be around for the difficult part.
The other day I thought about the weekend of the break-up. Was he really lying in bed next to me looking at dating sites? That is amazingly hurtful. I'm not sure he was, but he didn't deny it.
None of this matters. We tried, it didn't work, it's over, we still care about each other. There are still sore spots apparently, and I've buried them in order to be friends with him.
How do I bring this up with him? Him possibly having a new girl, I mean, not old wounds.
I am attempting to move forward myself, so I wish him luck. I just think it has to be talked about if we're going to see each other once or twice a week.
He just texted me to say he wouldn't be at choir; I said me neither. If I was supposed to ask why, I didn't take the bait.
The only thing that didn't suck about today is that my OKC guy wrote back (two days after I sent my message, so I was getting a bit anxious.)
You are not alone in feeling miserable on Valentine's day! Your post sums up quite concisely what is rather wrong with this holiday, and how inadequate it can make somebody feel - somebody who is perfectly normal and adequate, but just happens to be single at this particular time! And don't even get me started on the freezing weather (here in the UK it does get rather nippy too at the moment) - why for some reason a wet and windy February day is "romantic" - I never could fathom! :(
ReplyDeleteI'm not a fan of Valentine's Day either. I feel that it's an overrated and over-commercialized holiday. Why do people make a big deal about showing love on this one day, when they should be doing that every single day?! My goodness. But I don't fret about it. February 14th is just another day to me, and even if there were someone in my life, I wouldn't sweat it.
ReplyDeleteHard as it is, you may want to wean yourself off of this Walrus guy. Avoid looking at his Facebook updates. If you're Facebook friends with him and don't want to completely defriend him or block him, you can use the Hide feature to prevent him from showing up in your News Feed. From that point, it's all about will power to avoid peeking at his page every few minutes.
I know that you're thinking about the way things could've been with this guy, but you don't want to expend your energy on someone who makes you feel hurt and sad. You can use that energy towards more positive things.
I realize that money's tight for you right now and that you may not be able to get out and have fun like you want to, but have you thought of using Meetup.com (if it's in your area)? You can find groups there that share your interests and they have many events that are free.
I can relate to wanting to just stay home and be left in my own head space (and I live alone, so it's easy for me to get inside my own head and forget about the rest of the world), but there are times when I know that I need to get out and see what's going on. It's easy to focus on the negative when you're home alone, and if you get out from time to time it'll keep your mind occupied and help you avoid dwelling on what's frustrating you in life.
And look at it this way...Valentine's Day is over for 2013 and you can breathe a sigh of relief. But this year's not over, and there's plenty of time for you to make major waves. Good luck to you! Remember, funks are only temporary.
I think I thought I'd have to wean him off me! What a shock. He still is in contact with me every day, and we're in two extracurricular activity clubs together so we see each other often.
ReplyDeleteI am heavily crushing (ha! so high school!) on this guy I'm messaging online, so it's not like I want Walrus back. It's just all the old hurts rearing up. Or maybe just pissed he moved on first!
I'm not hurting too badly. It shall pass.