I met the other mentors for the youth camp, and I already knew three out of the twelve people. One from mediation class, one from school, one from volunteering. I guess my city is small enough that there are only so many young environmental-types, and you're going to start running into the same people. Especially if you start narrowing it to environment-and-teaching or environment-and-art. At the intersection of all those circles -I should draw a Venn diagram- there is me.
It just so happened that the meeting was held at another collective house, because three mentors lived there. It's the theme of the week! This one was the nicest house, worst location, and had the same eco-ethics of the first one. I sorta got a sense they weren't quite as strict as that house, but that's just a guess. They aren't looking for a housemate; it was just interesting to see another one. The things that were new ideas to me at the first one didn't look as shocking when I encountered them again (in a nicer house!). But then I could smell pot somewhere in the house, and that's not something I want to live with.
So hard to find where I fit in. Even meeting these other mentors, and ten of them are vegetarian/vegan...just wondering if I'm going to assimilate to be more like the people in the circles I think I want to move in. I feel like there's still some separation, not the obvious things like what I choose to eat, but something subtle that says, 'I'm from the suburbs and can't let go of conventionality completely!'
I wish I had a group of friends. I have friends, but they don't know each other and I hang out with them one-on-one. In college I was in a small department and spent three years with the same fifteen people. That was the last time I was part of a group. It's hard to make new friends at this age, when people start to settle down and start families...and I'd guess most people decided on lifestyle and values in college, and probably are becoming mellower, less radical ten years later, while I seem to be doing the opposite!
The people from the summit appeal to me because they have radical ideas but they come from academia or institutions, and tend not to dress like hippies or talk about 'Mother Earth'. And I respect people who find spirituality in nature, but it doesn't always help the message reach the mainstream.
Wow didn't know I had this much to say this morning. Over-analyze much?
I tried to write my goals, and they're a bit scattered. I know what kind of life I want, just really stuck on the big three: job, move out, boyfriend.
I read about Big, Hairy, Audacious Goals (for a company, it's something like 'Be the best widget maker in the world'). What came out for me: Be needed.
I almost cried when I wrote that. At work, at home, with friends and family- I just want a role and to feel needed in it.
This youth camping job is more time commitment than I realized, so it feels like I have a job for the summer, and will still have time to do the community leadership project, work on art, and whatever happens with my social life and looking for a new place. So maybe I can just hold off on applying for jobs for a while, unless I see something very part time. If I could make another $150 a week I'd be meeting my income goals, and there's talk of me doing some teaching so I might be close.
Found this article on falling in love. I don't do it right, haha. I don't really have sexual feelings for people I've just met, or any kind of instant connection. Actually, I rarely rarely have crushes. The article used a Jane Austen quote, (my kind of quote) about people thinking very little of the 'good' in their love interest. Which is exactly what I tend to do. 'Hey, you're a good person with good morals and you're non-threatening so I will allow myself to pretend I have a crush on you.' Pretty much my thought process when I met Big Hands.
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