just grumping

A terrible day of teaching.  i'm teaching younger kids than usual and they're too little and can't do anything and I'm not interested in teaching at that level.  It feels like babysitting.
And a kid came back from the water fountain with a mouth full of water and tried to squirt it at me.

So, so grumpy.  It's hot and I didn't eat lunch and it's a short step from 'kid squirts water in my face' to 'society is doomed'.
I just worked myself into a rage over everything today.  That guy didn't stop at the stop sign.  RAGE!
People are trying to exit the train and they can't because people trying to enter the train are pushing against them.  RAGE!  It's a sunny day and the mall is busy and crowded.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

I'm home alone and I have no one to vent to.  As Instafriend put it, "We all want a witness to our lives."  Someone who checks in with us everyday.  WANTWANTWANTWANT.

Since finding out that Big Hands is in fact single, the intensity of the crush has noticeably increased.  I have no outlet for this except repeatedly visiting his facebook page.  I've learned lots of interesting factoids about the fellow, which I'll spare you.  He is wicked smart though, speaks several languages.

You know how kids play House, with someone being the Mom and someone being the Dad and someone being the baby?  I guess it helps them figure out how the world works, and prepare them for future roles.  I almost feel like this crush has a similar role for me.  I can imagine being Big Hand's girlfriend and figure out what I want a relationship to be like.  Figure out what I'm looking for.  Figure out what I have to offer...

And maybe that's behind the grumpiness lately...I don't feel that fond of myself.  Yesterday I was working a four hour shift with a new coworker and it was slow so we were chatting.  (We both went to art school, except about ten years apart.  She's just gradded.)  And I found myself going off on rants on certain topics, making proclaimations as if I were an expert, offering my theories on life, sounding fairly bitter and hogging the conversation.  Exactly like my mother does.
And teaching kids is something I thought I was good at, and I'm struggling with it lately.  Maybe I'm not into it anymore, maybe it's time to face a new challenge and gain new skills.  Oh, so many opportunities for personal growth!  Joy!