Post-Camp thots

Just did my first youth camp.  The kids are really great, can't believe I get paid to do this.  Kept thinking this job was good for me personally, even it's if not really that impressive on the ol' resume.
Despite that, I still had moments of anxiety about what I could contribute as a leader to these young people, and at certain points got very tired from the over-scheduled days of group activities and wanted some introvert-time away from the crowd.
But that's part of it being good for me.  I can find a way to balance those parts of me.
One of the activities was for the youth to write a letter to themselves that will be mailed to them at the end of the summer.  I did one to myself too.  Time travel by mail!  Wonder if anything in my life will have changed by then.

I had said there was a male camp leader working with me who I think is awesome, and wondered why I didn't have a crush on him.  Well this weekend I kind of did.  He's very good looking and positive and a little odd. I think I'm just fascinated by anyone who is really unabashedly their self.  And I'm interested in the way he's chosen to live, not that I want to do it necessarily, but I've discussed in detail on the ol' blog how I'm trying to figure out what my 'lifestyle' is going to be when I'm not living at home (or even when I am).  He bikes every where, lives in a collective house, gets up early to meditate and do yoga, and organized a zero waste system for the camp (see, that's what did me in.  Swoon).

So yeah, apparently I'm just a loose cannon right now and will crush on anybody who talks to me.  Or, it's almost like I admire some traits in these men, traits I would like to see in myself, and then crush on my ideals.  I don't think that's how you're supposed to do it, ha.  I like Big Hands because he started this amazing community organization and has really good grammar.  (You know when to use 'less' and when to use 'fewer'?  Swoon.)

Anyways...am I celibate because I'm weird or weird because I'm celibate?