Mooning from afar

Well I went to the monthly discussion group meeting and it was interesting, but I still didn't get to speak much to Big Hands.  I was at the meeting spot early, and he'd gone down the street to get pizza.  When he came back, he started talking to someone outside, while I was inside sitting at the table with some other group members.  If I'd arrived later, I could have joined the conversation at the door.  Silly to even think about these tiny details, but coincidence and luck do play a (small) role.

Anyways, not much to report.  I had brought brownies.  He ate one of my brownies.  Oh, I'm in the grip of a crush and all I can think of to do is bake.   "Hey, notice me!  I bring baked goods and do little drawings!"
Meanwhile, I said nothing during discussion group, just sat back and listened and absorbed, which is what I like.  At the end of the meeting, I thought everyone was leaving, but he dropped back to tidy up and it was too late, I was already in the elevator going down.  So not much progress, other than that I've ascertained  that he isn't vegan.

I just want a chance to have a short conversation with him, but I only see him once or twice a month, unless I really set out to stalk him.  I might just have to be patient.  I'm supposed to do a presentation for another group he organizes (way more casual) and that's not until July so I might want to wait until that's over before I do anything potentially awkward.  Then I will ask him out for coffee, if we both seem to still be single.  Planning this is slightly ridiculous.  I am going to spend my summer debating if I should go or not go to events I think he'll be at.  RIDICULOUS BEHAVIOR.

On one hand, I'm enjoying the giddy hopefulness of having a crush (it's been a long time).  On the other hand, it's a waste of energy to moon over him. I feel slightly out of control, in that I will justify any crazy thing I think of that's an excuse to be in contact with him.

oh  gawd even I think this is a boring post.

but here's the thing.  I'm pretty gone on him, just think all the geeky things he does are so adorable, and yet I don't really see him and me being a good match and I can't explain it.  Friend-in-the-North said you both have to have the same kind of baggage, and you recognize that in each other.  And there's a quote, which the internet attributes to Oscar Wilde, "You don't love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear."

So who knows?

Meanwhile, Walrus keeps texting me frequently and asked me to lunch. Wondering why I wanted to maintain the friendship so much, and now am slightly tired by it. Nothing like the feeling that he's only talking to me now that that girl dumped him and he's bored and lonely.