Linky links and thinky thinks

A bunch of links in my facebook feed this morning jumped out at me and I've amused myself by pondering the common thread between them.

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.ca/2013/05/depression-part-two.html
I love this webcomic, just like everybody else on the internet.  Heartbreaking and ....funny (funny isn't the right word, but it's close enough) visual illustration of what depression feels like.  I don't think I ever got this low, never felt 'nothing'.  I got the 'I hate everythings' a lot, and still do, and the inexplicable weeping all the time.   The difference between her experience and mine is that I didn't feel sad 'for no reason'.  I felt life would be great if I had certain things, but that there was no way for me to get them.  And I still don't have those certain things, and I don't know how to get them but I keep trying.

I do get the occasional sads from this, though:
the divide between actual and idealized self

And hey, this was frustrating!  I'll just stop worrying about my lack of a sex life then.
How to not hate dating

Hmm, what else is new?  I've slowed down on looking for events and clubs to join.  I'm feeling a bit behind on the community leadership project and other things, so have been at home a lot more.  Just trying to buckle down and get stuff done, or maybe it's retreating from the world for a bit, I don't know.  I finished all the levels in 'Cursed Treasure' so maybe not working as hard as I think I am.
I am researching 'green cleaners' and am weirdly hooked on how to clean house better.  I read about dustmites and have spent the last two days taking my whole bed apart and vacuuming everything.  Since I do seem to have something compromising my lungs, it really can't hurt to have a clean bedroom.  I've been cleaning out kitchen drawers and cupboards, and have plans to tackle the whole house.  Is this a reaction to not moving out this month?  If I'm going to stay here, I'm going to make it liveable.  Or maybe I'm doing it so I can leave Mom, guilt free.  I don't know, but it's a big project.

A few days ago my friend shared this link and it summed up why I'm confused about how to make a living as an artist without 'selling out'.  It's a very long and dense article about the whole history of the relationship of art and culture to the economy and I don't imagine any of you will read it unless you are also in a creative field.  Anyways, thinking about it a lot.

I'm sorta in an art crisis.  How can I make art without using toxic chemicals and paints and glues?  I'm into using recycled materials but it's hard to fasten them together without new materials.  I've got a whole room devoted to artmaking space and art materials. I can't store any more 'stuff'.  What if my art is just more 'stuff'?
I'm much more interested these days in how I can contribute to making the world better, and I'm not sure art is the way.  I spent a lot of time learning how to draw, and now I'm letting those skills get rusty.  Was learning to draw at the expense of other life skills unlearned?  Or maybe I will find a way to use it.  When you're learning a new skill, you go backwards a bit on the skills you already have as you integrate them with the new skill.

I got on a bike this week for the first time in probably 15 years.  It was terrifying and my legs are all bruised. I can only go in a straight line and I can't really stop confidently.
I really thought I'd be better at this, that those skills would be still there for me.  But I am determined to master it.
It's just, I'm working on really basic stuff right now. How to clean.  How to eat healthy.  How to exercise.  How to write a cover letter.  How to interact with the male of the species.

Nothing happening on the dating scene, probably won't see Big Hands until the next discussion group at the end of the month.  Meanwhile, I'm cleaning the house.