Meaningful

Walrus and I are in a community choir- it's amazing, we love it, and the people are quirky and kind...
At the last practice, we were invited to go grab a bite by another choir member, George.  George has been living with an inoperable brain tumour for the last ten years.  We hesitated to accept the invite, simply because we're so tight on money, but I felt like it was important to say yes.  George talked about how the brain tumour has affected his movement, his balance.  He has occasional seizures.  His hand is starting to be paralyzed.  The tumour can't be removed without damaging his ability to control his movement.  He spoke of how hard it was to live on the disability pension the government provide.  He previously had a very successful career and owned his own place, and was still struggling, dwindling away his savings.
Walrus told his story, the day of the stroke, how his life has changed...He said he was used to a comfortable income and that the (spending) habits of that lifestyle are hard to change, but he's trying.  ( It softened me up, hearing him say that.)
Walrus looked at the drinks menu just for fun, and commented on what looked good, and George was shocked he was still drinking.  Then George told us that around five years ago he was drinking very heavily while undergoing chemotherapy.  He's now given it up completely and is a member of Alcoholics Anonymous.
He's really changed his whole life- gave up smoking too, and does yoga and tai chi and volunteers and is in choir.  He seeks out positive experiences, and tries to connect with people.

I was really affected by this talk.  It was always at the back of my mind- brain tumours don't get better.  Walrus' stroke was sudden, and changed his life, but he can recover and rebuild.  George has been in a slow, slow decline, and he didn't explicitly say it, but I think it will only get worse for him.

I don't think all of this sunk in for the Walrus.  I hope he saw how George was able to stay positive.  The stroke is always present in his life and our relationship, but I think Walrus needs to move beyond feeling sorry for himself.

He's been feeling really frustrated with the group home lately, wants to be on his own, living his life his way.  I understand that, but it's only a few more months, and he could be practicing the habits and skills he'll need to live alone while he waits.  He has a considerable amount of freedom now.  Really he's just frustrated with the stroke.
I tried to talk to him about meaningful activities.  In school we had a very philosophical teacher who had us think about the purpose of life, and challenges and pleasure vs true happiness...I'll probably go into it a little bit in another post, because I found it helpful.
I know very strongly where I find meaning:  making my art, being with people I care about, and trying to help others/save the world.
I was trying to tell Walrus he should start his own projects, work on his writing, research a cause and advocate for it, volunteer.... He didn't really go for it.  We had looked at some volunteer opportunities for him but he said he'd wait for clearance from his medical team but never asked them.

Last week he was advised by ...well I forget her exact title but she's a specialized psychiatrist for brain injuries, anyways, he was advised to volunteer for a cause he believes in, as it would help give direction to his life.

And he was all for it.  It's exactly what I advised!!!  Harrumph.  But I'm really pleased.  I think it will help.