This post is not about sex. (Over 4500 hits on this blog, and the posts about sex get about ten times as many views!)
I'm posting a lot lately. Maybe I'm at a crossroads or something. I'm not working, for one thing, and I'm wondering if I should stay with Walrus. Between him and the situation with my father, I'm thinking a lot these days about my values and what I want to do with my life. Sorry if these posts are boring.
(At some point I crossed a line blogging about Walrus that I wasn't going to. I might have to revisit this issue and decide what the boundaries are.)
Ok. The point. I'm getting to it.
In school, an instructor asked us was was enjoyable.
"Candy!"
"Napping!"
"Listening to music!"
Then he asked us about stress. Our suggestions were all relaxing activities.
Could stressful or painful activities be enjoyable?
"Of course not!"
"I'm a hiker," he said. "Favourite thing in the world. Nothing brings me greater joy. But I get tired, hungry, sunburnt, chased by bears...."
(Sorry for the cheesy writing. At the time it was like a little lightbulb going on in my head.)
He talked about the work of Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, a psychologist who wrote a book called Flow.
Humans are programmed for two things. One is to take care of our needs, eating and sleeping, and to conserve our valuable energy when we've met them. So we like to be comfortable, to relax, to eat, to watch TV. We're also programmed to try new things, to experiment and to take risks. If we kept to the same routine, we'd never learn, and our species would never have evolved. He calls the first instinct pleasure, and the second enjoyment.
Enjoyment comes from challenging ourselves to learn new skills or take a risk. It could be drawing, or running or even doing surgery! There's this moment when the challenges of the situation are just a tiny bit more demanding than your skills- and that's when you experience flow. If it was easier, you'd be bored, and if it was harder, you'd be overwhelmed. But when it takes everything you've got, you lose track of time, of everything around you and just focus on the challenge. That's why some people love their jobs, or devote their lives to their amateur pursuits.
Ever been caught up in a good book? It's that.
So, we're happier when we chose to do challenging activities than when we watch TV. Most of us know it, but we still chose the easy stuff when we're tired.
I've been trying to draw more. I know it makes me happy. But it's also painful to get back into it, and I put it off. In general, I try and challenge myself in different areas of life.
Walrus is a pleasure seeker. He likes to eat and drink. He's watching a lot of TV right now. I don't think he's happy and I've been trying to tell him he needs to challenge himself. He's not even reading right now. I don't know what he was like before the stroke. I think he used to do more, but drifted into taking the easy route. I don't know. He's really tired right now, so I don't blame him for turning off the TV, but he's bored.
(Aside: flow also seems to happen from putting your body on the line. Like driving dangerously. So don't do that.)
Anyways. I'm writing about this because I came across an article by Czik....Csiksi....oh whatever his name is, in a book I was reading about consumerism, and I felt like I needed to be reminded that pleasure only gets you so far. I want to challenge myself and see what I can do. Nobody on their death bed wishes they watched more TV.
I have the TV on right now. I hate being home alone.
On another tangent- I wonder if one could achieve dating flow. It's easier to recognize flow in a solitary task, but Csikwhatshisname says it can also happen when interacting with other people. But imagine being out with a new person and giving them all your attention and being not sure what they're going to do or say, but it seems to be going well. It's challenging and you're stressed but also excited....and alive.
Oh. Home alone nights are fun....
Walrus. Walrus. Walrus. What am I going to do?
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