What a day

Drama #1
I wrote to my dad this morning.  I've been putting it off.  There was another family dinner I was not attending, so I felt it was time to explain my absence.
I wrote a very restrained email that stuck to a single issue- the claim he made in court that it cost Mom $700 a month for me to live with her.  I specifically said don't blame her for telling me about it- she needed to talk to someone after that day and she had no one else.

He wrote back 'I'm sorry Mom dragged you into this'

That's low.
HE dragged me into this when he said in a court of law I was a mooch.

The rest of the email is some nonsense about sharing values with me.
He never addresses the issue of this $700 figure and how he came up with it.

I'm so angry!  When I write back, it's going to be no holds barred.

Drama #2
Then this evening, I went to see Walrus and he was asleep and it took 45 minutes to get him up and dressed and I'm pretty sure he hadn't showered or maybe it's just his psoriasis in his ear being worse than normal, but he smelled a bit pungent.  I haven't eaten all day so I'm super tired and cranky.  We went for a walk to get me some food at the grocery store and didn't find anything but ended up at Starbucks again.  Ugh!  He can't walk by one without going in.  All his money goes to coffee and candy.  I want to go on dates- I don't mind going Dutch but I can't pay for both of us!

I felt like I couldn't even get myself dinner from a restaurant because I didn't want to feel obligated to buy him dinner too.  I often do, and I'm getting tired of it.  I can't eat at his house because the cost of his food is part of his (government-paid) rent at the group home so it's a bit weird for me to go eat at the taxpayers' expense.

Anyways, it just wasn't fun and we were on each other's nerves, and I don't really remember exactly how the tension broke but at one point I said "I don't like being this critical" and he said I was often hurtful and he said nothing because he didn't know what to say. I cried and cried.  I said I'd never been with anyone this long and didn't know how to be in a relationship (understatement!) and that people have told me I want everyone close to me to think exactly like me and I'm not very tolerant and it seems to be true....

I was just blubbering all this in that way crying people do...
He ended up comforting me, and I felt like a meanie.

But I was reading through all my old posts and I've put up with some shit I don't think other people would...
It hasn't been fun this week.  I think I have to talk to him about money or whatever is bothering me instead of being sullen and confusing him.  I have to stop starting sentences with 'I don't like'....
I don't know.  Takes two to tango.
I really have to get over this vision of myself as 'the good one'

How do I stop being critical?  I'm critical because his behavior does not match my ideal of what a boyfriend should be.

I don't know!  I don't know!  I don't know!