Tidbits

1. Got another job interview next week.  Wish me luck.

2. Walrus' ex is now dating again.  (Why did I decide to facebook-stalk?  Why doesn't she have privacy settings on her page?  I'm not going to be the one to tell him.)

3.  Walrus is feeling really frustrated with his lack of independence, and tried to talk to me about it last night but I said the wrong things and he was rude to me.  He expressed a wish for a 'night of fun' and not having the group-home staff phoning to check on him.  I got a bit weird because 'a night of fun' sounded like something I wouldn't like--something involving drinking.
Also, I felt like he was saying I wasn't fun.  My best friend always says everyone has their 'buttons'- things that they're sensitive about, and often irrational.  For me, not being a drinker has felt like a social handicap since I was a teenager.... Anyways, his night of fun meant just a backyard BBQ with a bottle of beer.  The more important part was that he doesn't feel free to come and go as he likes.  We talked it out and it's fine now.

4.  I bought a toy.  You know, a toy.  Dragged Walrus down to the shop with me.  It's a Lelo LIV.  It was not cheap!  I had already looked online because I knew I'd be flustered or overwhelmed in the store if I didn't prep myself.  I just needed to see how big they looked in real life.

4a.  On the way home, I asked Walrus when we were going to try it out and he didn't answer.

4b.  Later that night it was bothering me and so I started a texting conversation.  I opened with, 'So, how's your sex drive these days?'  We actually had a good conversation, even if it was typed.  I got to say that I was frustrated and feeling lost and worried he was losing interest.  He said he'd do whatever was necessary.  He said I should have fun with the toy and figure out what my body wants and then I can teach him.  He said all the right things really.  I still feel like he's too tired to think about sex much these days though, and I really need him to initiate things sometimes.  I didn't say that outright.

4c.  Later later that night I tried the thing.  It feels interesting, pleasant to very good, but I wasn't in ecstasy or anything.  The experimentation will have to continue.

4d.  I am weirded out that I own this object.