cranky and discouraged

I'm in such a bad mood this morning.  This is probably not a post worth reading.
Funny how my opinion of Newfie has been rewritten in a day; "he's positive" has turned into "he has no emotional depth" and "he has an active social life" has turned into "oh gawd going out every night would be exhausting/ he has no time for a relationship"
I'm exaggerating a little, but similar thoughts crossed my mind.
(If you can't have it, pretend you never wanted it in the first place to protect your disappointed heart.)

I'm sure if he writes to me tonight, my position will completely flip-flop again, ha!

After Walrus moved me into 'platonic friend' zone, I am extremely sensitive about my sex appeal.  Why am I not sexy to somebody?  PLEASE SOMEONE MAKE A PASS AT ME FOR ONCE.

Newfie seemed to think I was cool at first.   Then I had to explain who I am and how I live...
I don't want to be ashamed of my own life anymore.  Newfie plays sports three times a week.  He asked what I did for exercise.  "Ummmm I do a yoga video some mornings and I walk the dog."  He tried living in the 'burbs and was bored, so now he lives downtown.  I was born in the 'burbs and still live there with my mother.  I've been mostly  unemployed since last spring, the job I just got is crummy, I'm not making art.  I stay home Saturday nights.  Even though neither Mom nor I work full-time, we can't manage to keep the house clean.  Everything I wear is covered in dog hair and clothes come out of the dryer hairier than when they went in.  All the appliances are breaking and the dog needs to go to the vet and the car won't last another year and I want to contribute to the household but can't.  I'm still coughing and have no energy and that thing where I have to pee all the time has started up again.
In short, I haven't got my shit together and there's so much work to do I don't know where to start.