Plateau

I'm not depressed, but I am pretty low.
The ultrasound was quick.  I had to drink 4 glasses of water beforehand, so fairly uncomfortable!  No results yet- the technician is not allowed to talk to me about it- so waiting to hear from my doctor.  I did see on the screen a big red shape, circled.  What was that?  I'm freaking out.

I can't even deal with my father, can't even try to think about what goes on in his head.  How is my mother going to handle this?  What is her future?

I'm trying to work on projects, slowly.  My plan to get back into teaching art classes was dampened last night when I realized most community centres need 4-6 months notice to offer a class. I won't be teaching in September, maybe January, if I start contacting the programmers now.  Some places actually want instructors to have a business license and their own insurance, which is ridiculous.

3 people wrote to me on OKCupid- nobody I wanted to write back to.

Read a scary article this morning on climate change.  We're screwed!  This is in Rolling Stone magazine, fairly mainstream publication.
http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/global-warmings-terrifying-new-math-20120719

Gotta keep working on my goals, maybe read those green living books I got from the library.

I wrote to Walrus this morning saying I needed a friend.  I told him about the health problem, and dad.  His reply was fairly practical.  I'm going to choir tonight, it's the last one before summer break.  I wonder if it will be awkward to see him, or for other people to see us both but not together.

I am feeling angry again for how this ended- it was a stupid and rude thing he did, and he was pretty passive about the breakup.  I'm angry with him, and at the same time I want to be friends and would help him if he needed me.

just keep swimming.  just keep swimming.