Spock thinks this continued weeping is most illogical.
Crying a lot. Two weeks of illness and the resulting isolation that went with it are probably a factor.
Figuring out how to be friends with Walrus brought up pain that I thought was healing.
Logically I know that I didn't see Walrus as forever. The break-up was inevitable, so now is as good a time as any. Except I didn't think we were done learning from each other.
People fight twice as hard on a losing battle, maybe? The situation made the relationship extra difficult and I tried very hard to make it work. I'm so sad for him, and it makes it hard to walk away. Hard to walk away, say 'not my problem' and still feel like a good person.
Thanks to Matt79 for this insightful comment on the last post:
I mean, I think overall your motivation for staying in touch with him involves a mixture of things all combining together - some guilt (which I don't think is warranted at all, but I know that doesn't just make it disappear), some answer-wanting, some being-needed-wanting and some appreciation-wanting. And also I was wrong about you just wanting to talk about your feelings - you want him to talk about his feelings too. Sounds like that's a difficult thing to make happen. Which might just make you try even harder.
Yes. Yes to all those things. Brilliant.
Here's what's been done.
- I can't figure out facebook but I think I'll see 'Only Important' posts from him.
- Made it so I can't see when he's online on google.
- Wrote a very gentle email saying I got overwhelmed being in touch with him throughout the day and suggested a weekly check-in with each other instead. I said I'm here if he needs a friend since I am one of the few people who really knows the situation, and he knows me well enough by now to know if I'll be helpful or not.
The weekly check-in part was a bit lame but I wanted some sort of concrete guideline for him. A little formality makes it distinctly different from the old way of communicating.
He did not write back. I'm fairly sure he has read it and fairly sure if he didn't answer immediately then it was too emotional for him and he won't.
Did think about pushing for my thank you letter but dropped it for the moment. If we are going to be friends, then I have to hear 'thank you' at some point. But that's a point far away in time, I suspect.
So, whose court is the ball in now?
I think that the steps you've taken sound great. I think that the "weekly check-in" part is actually a really good idea. That way you can still be available as support, but without getting all of the daily small talk.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that the ball is in anyone's court now. You're playing tennis less often. On six days of the week there is no court. I imagine that you'll send him a check-in message on day seven whether you hear from him or not, and I think that's fair enough. Hopefully the other six days will give you more time to think, to heal, and most importantly to get physically well again!