Internship

Little update:  I started my internship today and I think it will be good for me.  It's with an arts festival, and I'm going to learn a lot and meet a lot of new people.  Not a lot of men work for the festival- sigh!  Seven women and one goofy young guy in our office.  Really, single men should not be the first thing on my mind.
I looked around at the other interns- the ones who got the full-time internship I applied for and didn't get- and they don't seem all that spectacular.  But, I've got the half-time internship and I've got to do my best at it.
I have been feeling a little ill for the past few weeks- some gunk in my lungs that makes my body feel so heavy in the mornings.  I've been trying Pilates, and I don't know if it's that, or what, but I've been achey in my lower back and legs.  And having headaches...Okay, you get the point- enough complaining- but today I was overwhelmed with information and I just felt like I was in a fog.  I'm exhausted from today.  I need to be present, and talk, and contribute.  I get so quiet- I like to hang back and observe new situations until I get the feel for things.
Anyways, here's to a new adventure.  I need to keep a good attitude and push myself to be as outgoing as I can muster.

Walrus' mom wrote to me to tell me about the camping trip.  She said he was quiet, maybe depressed, the first few days.  He couldn't help set up the campsite like he used to.  He got confused playing Yahtzee. They had to talk to him about hygiene and he bummed cigarettes off his sister.  Sigh.  His parents couldn't get him to talk about anything; I don't know how hard they tried.

At this point, I'm just getting numb to the situation.  He is undateable, I already knew that, and I don't know when I knew that and tried to ignore it or tried to change it or starting driving myself and him crazy.  I wanted to still be friends, and help him, and be on his team, but now I'm feeling the best thing to do is just leave him alone.  If he wanted a friend, I know I'd be there for him, but he has to choose to contact me, and I don't think he will.  I'll see him in September when choir starts up again-  I think the time will go by quickly for me.

Have you ever known a couple, or friends, who broke up and actually thrived afterwards?  Sometimes people hold each other back from growing.  Sometimes the pain of things going wrong makes people who were really emotionally stunted really wake up and make enormous strides.  That would be the best case scenario here, for both of us.

Walrus didn't send me the thank you letter.  I am trying to stop expecting it.  I was going to tell him he didn't have to write it- he doesn't have to feel obligated to me.  I chose to do everything I did for him.  I wrote an email saying that, but didn't send it- just waited to see what he would do.