More of the same, really.
Job. I work at a big box hardware store. It's actually not bad. Did a short stint at big-box craft store, hated it. The prices are marked up 800%-1000% of what they paid for it, so when customers talked to me I didn't want to help them-I wanted to warn them.
So I'm doing a mix of the hardware store and teaching art. I can just squeak by. It's not a long term solution.
Art: not sure what to do next. I've been quite busy dealing with a bunch of Life Stuff.
The Labour Dispute: Took a settlement and closed my complaint. They were horrible to deal with. Hooray for burnt bridges.
Family: My brother is moving his brood to Europe. It might be years before I see those kids again. This has not sunk in. An uncle has just died and my grandfather is very sick. My mother is acting strange.
Nerdboy: He had a situation at work that was making him stressed. This week he'll decide if he accepts another job offer or stays at his current company (of ten years). I think he should start fresh, but it means he loses some benefits. Mostly he will be stressed out by learning a new routine, new group of people, finding his place. New jobs are difficult for most people, Nerdboy and I seem especially overwhelmed by it. (I just have to do it all the time so I'm used to it.)
The problem was that while he's been dealing with this work thing, he's retreated a bit. He doesn't tell me about what's going on because 'talking about it makes him relive the anger'. But it affects our economic situation so I think I have to be in the loop. And he stopped going to a class he was taking, he played more computer games, and....he lost his libido. We had sex twice in April.
And not having sex makes me weepy and insecure. We agreed to be monogamous, and he's the only
person I've had sex with (ok, I did sexual things with Walrus. However you want to count that)
So I kinda want to explore this sex thing for the first time in my life, and I'm the more demanding of us two. But, I won't initiate it aggressively. I make hints, he doesn't take up the offer and I'm too hurt to put myself out there in a big way.
One night this month we were going to watch a movie at home. He was on the computer. I set up the movie, and got under a blanket on the couch completely naked. I thought this was going to be cute.
He kept playing computer and I called to him. He went into the kitchen and made a sandwich and came and sat down at the end of the couch. I was trapped under the blanket, now feeling like an idiot. He peeked under the blanket and patted my behind affectionately but just kept eating his sandwich.
This article is about having a happier marriage by being willing to be there for your partner's needs. That is, the person with the lower sex drive should try to have sex even when they don't want to. But, does the need to be touched outweigh the need not to be touched? Still, I agree sex should be a compromise, since everything else in the relationship is. Nerdboy thinks it should never be forced or planned. But that translates into we have sex when he wants to, and I'm always a little anxious wondering when it will happen.
I was really sex crazy and I`ve calmed down quite a bit, but I`m still hoping for once or twice a week. I`ve been having trouble with pain during entry again, and even though I make a lot of excited noises, it isn`t actually very pleasurable for me. I like the feeling of being desired, I like being touched, but penetration is a disappointment. I know orgasm comes from clit stimulation but I`ve never been able to get that to work either.
And I don`t like his kisses. He won`t use his tongue. We just press our mouths together, I`m not sure what is supposed to happen. Sometimes it even hurts from friction. I don`t know how to fix this. I`ve only kissed one other person and half his mouth is paralysed, but it was still more fun.
I only use this space to complain about Nerdboy- he does have good qualities and supports me in so many ways . It`s the usual complaint, things are okay, but I`m wanting more.
