Tuesday 28 June 2011

Things to work on. Part Two: Health

I went to the doctor this week.  I have to have a blood test.  I've been feeling fatigued, dizzy, headachy...
I've gained weight.  Sometimes I have a pain in my side. 
In the Too Much Information category, I have ovarian cysts.  That's been a struggle I won't go into here, but I pretty much have it under control.  It's very commonly associated with diabetes so I'm a bit worried.  I preemptively put myself on a strict diet years ago.  It would be frustrating if my hard work didn't pay off.

The doctor kept asking me if I had mood swings, if I was feeling down, if I was suicidal.  It made me defensive.  I wouldn't admit to being the least bit depressed.  I'm chipper, perky and positive all the freaking time!  I was depressed a few years ago and went to counselling.  I really thought I'd beaten it.  Not that I'm happy with where I am in life at all, but I am working on changing things, instead of beating myself up and crying and feeling hopeless.  I'm convinced it's my body that's making me tired, not my brain.  After the appointment, I had doubts.  I'm really busy now with lots of fun projects, and feeling excited, but I have this feeling I'd be depressed if I ever stopped moving.  I'm not even sure what that means, but those were my thoughts.

Monday 27 June 2011

Modern Mate-finding

I didn't find this article the least bit reassuring!  New Yorker Article on Online Dating

"It is tempting to think of online dating as a sophisticated way to address the ancient and fundamental problem of sorting humans into pairs, except that the problem isn’t very old. Civilization, in its various guises, had it pretty much worked out. Society—family, tribe, caste, church, village, probate court—established and enforced its connubial protocols for the presumed good of everyone, except maybe for the couples themselves......The twentieth century reduced it all to smithereens."

Sunday 26 June 2011

Things to Work On. Part One: Career

I went to art school.  It was the best four years of my life, but when I graduated I didn't really know how to make a living as an artist.  I didn't think of myself as a small business.  I didn't realize how important networking was.  My mantra was 'If I draw it, they will come..."

For five years I taught art classes, did the occasional arty gig, and worked on my own stuff.  Then there was a sort of a meltdown....I was still living at home, not paying rent, but I had no assets and very little savings.  I have never had a full time job that lasted longer than a summer, and my twenties were coming to an end.

Last year, I went back to school, which I hate, but I think I've found a new career path that will use my art background and is meaningful to me.  I'm working hard this summer to make connections and I'm actually turning down work I'm so busy.   I'm feeling pretty good about my future; I only wish I hadn't wasted so much time.  Just gotta buckle down and get through this last year of school.  Hopefully soon I'll have enough of an income to MOVE OUT!

Saturday 25 June 2011

A pear by itself

It was a kid's book: "A pear by itself is not a pair."

I'm less than three months away from my thirtieth birthday.  I still live with my mother and I've never been kissed.  I just watched "Bridget Jones' Diary" and now I'm starting my own spinster diary.

Everyday, I think about what it would be like to be a pear in a pair, but I never talk about it to anyone.  This blog might just be a place to vent, but hopefully it will also help me track my process in building a life for myself.