Forward...

Three more hours left of school and I am done.  Unemployed, too.  I can't wait to catch up on spending time with some neglected friends and projects.  Gotta lose the 10 pounds I gained during internship!

Summer is stretching wide in front of me.  No plans at the moment, but big goals.

Walrus and I seem to be doing well at the moment.  We had the fight, he had no idea how close it came to ending, and we talked about it and settled into something peaceful and maybe a little bit better.  I don't know.
It's fairly comfortable right now.  Slowly I am getting him to talk about things.  Finally we are connecting on the level I needed.

Perhaps I am being hypocritical, insisting that he open up to me.  I haven't told him he was my first kiss.  He's never asked me about my past relationships, and I only know a little about his ex.  I am wondering if we need to go into that.

I have to fill out a form about his memory- how often he forgets certain things- for his medical team.  Two words are always in the back of my mind, threatening to spoil my happiness- BRAIN DAMAGE.  Because that's what a stroke is, no two ways about it.  His was very small, and the brain can rewire itself around the damaged spot, but it takes years.

So part of me asks "can't I do better than this?"

and then I have deep philosophical discussions with myself about what makes a person lovable?  What makes a person worth our time and respect and attention?

Because he is very smart with words, and history and geography...but lousy at numbers, and certain types of short-term planning....

I don't want to go too much into the extent of his brain damage, because I am figuring it out myself.  I will say that only after being with him for months have I found out what things he has trouble with.  Most people wouldn't notice anything wrong.

This isn't what I wanted to talk about.

I have this weird feeling that I've grown, that things are changing, and there's much more to do yet.
A lot has happened this year.

I think I'll leave it at that, for tonight.