"I know that you could be neither happy nor respectable, unless you truly esteemed your husband; unless you looked up to him as a superior. Your lively talents would place you in the greatest danger in an unequal marriage." Mr. Bennett to his daughter Elizabeth Bennett in Pride and Prejudice
There was one day last week when I felt I wasn't in love with Nerdboy. I was in such a mood that day. My students misbehaved. People on the bus were rude. People continue to drive SUVs even though they're using up precious fossil fuels. Everything pissed me off and I was convinced the human race did not deserve to continue. Everything Nerdboy did was wrong too.
I just wanted him to talk to me. Long deep conversations.
I don't want to talk about pop/geek culture all the time. We watch a lot of TV together and I'm getting bored of it.
I know a romantic partner can't meet all your needs. But an intellectual he's not.
And I think everyone should be working to make the world a better place in their own small way. Some people have to work on themselves first before they can do that. But for me, if you're not volunteering your time for something, you're a waste of space.
My boyfriend has his share of self-indulgences: video games, porn, food.
We all have something, I suppose. It's not like I give my every penny to charity either.
Maybe my list of 'What I Want in a Parner' got a little too idealistic.
Nerdboy is a giving and loving partner. And he had a tough year, and he does have intentions to volunteer more.
I don't know. I don't have to decide 'forever' now. It hasn't even been four months since we met. Maybe it's a phase the relationship has to go through- the sparkle has worn off, there's the beginning of a routine, but we don't yet have deep bonds, don't know each other inside and out....
So he isn't Mr. Darcy.
But, maybe I do need someone I look up to.
Well no ones perfect. But still if you aren't feeling happy and content around him then that's not good. I hope you get it all figured out and do what ever's best for you.
ReplyDeleteVanessa
I’m going to be blunt because I think you need it, although it’s totally up to you as to how you live your life. You are willing to ignore red flags and lower your standards because you crave sex and a boyfriend too badly. You’re not so much in love with him as a person as you are in love with the FACT that you are having sex and “belong” to someone. He doesn’t care about your emotional needs or your causes. He got what he wanted: sex. When sex with you wanes for him, he’ll move on. I have 13 brothers and have had quite a few relationships; I know how guys work. Also, guys who are into porn cannot have honest, sustaining relationships. I'm not saying he is a bad guy, he sounds like he has a lot of good in him, but it sounds like there isn't enough of what you need. You are worth so much
ReplyDeletemore than what he can give you. So much more.
Nerdboy really isn't using me for sex. I want to have sex more often than he does. He's done the casual sex thing and now wants a long term partner. I really don't think he'll leave me or cheat on me. I am worried that he stresses easily and takes it out on me. I am worried that I don't look up to him.
ReplyDeleteThe porn thing doesn't bother me. I've looked at porn, mostly because sex was so unfathomable to me I needed to see what it looked like. He used porn when he was single, and he's open about it.
My friend says I should know I want to be with this person forever, and I don't, so maybe that's all I need to know.