2. Nerdboy, celebrity doppelgangers:
I can see why.
3. We've been on a sex-every-six-days cycle. Nerdboy initiates it, mostly. And it's been fairly routine, and not that good for me. I have a harder time relaxing the muscles down there if it's only happening once a week. I think I get a little overwhelmed, maybe a little anxious. "Oh, huh! Sex! We're having sex! What do I do? What do I want?"
And I've told Nerdboy this but he can't feel what I'm feeling and I make a lot of noises so he thinks he's doing okay. I have tried to explain what I want and so he does it once and never again, and I hate asking over and over again. I haven't even had sex 100 times and I can't believe it's getting boring already.
If I ask for what I want, or take initiative, it's quite a lot better for me, but I've got all this Weirdness about Sex still and it's really really hard for me to blurt out my requests. I'm actually keen to try new positions.
Nerdboy won't French kiss me and I'm finding it really boring to kiss during foreplay. Can't we have open mouthed kissing? I've requested it several times and he keeps saying we'll work on it later. He says there's a technique he's forgotten. I told him I really am not a connoisseur and just want my tongue to touch his tongue without overthinking it. I think we're getting uptight about this and it kills passion for me.
He said we're sexually compatible but I don't know who I am sexually, and he's basically training me.
No orgasm yet. Last night, laying in bed, I asked him if we could schedule 'massage' sessions where he would use his hands or toys on me, without penetration. I figure this would help us figure out what my body responds too, without putting pressure on him. I thought we'd both look forward to intimate time together. For me, anticipation is the best part. Nerdboy said no. For him, scheduling sex means the death of sex. And even more than that, it makes him anxious. I know I've come up against this before. I thought I was being flirty and suggested having sex when we got home, and he got a bit snippy about it. He's told me sex is best spontaneous and made a big deal about it.
I don't know what to do. I'm disappointed. I don't know why he'd be anxious when I don't expect P-in-V sex. I really want to have an orgasm and I think this will help, and make penetrative sex better as well. Scheduling will make me less anxious and him more anxious. My needs are not more important than his, though. I really want him to help me with this, otherwise I'm going to have to have solo sessions while he's at work.
It's so hard to get rejected. He's got these rules and they're making me unsure of what to do. I won't initiate sex now because I can't understand when he'll go for it and I've been spurned twice. And it's silly because in a long-term relationship there's going to be times when one will want it and the other won't and it doesn't mean the desire is gone.
I think that your massage suggestion sounds very reasonable and it's disappointing that he won't agree to it. I think that it's often tricky in relationships to balance out who initiates things and who gets to do what, so it's not unusual or anything, but it sounds like his needs are getting met more than yours. I think it would sound nice to have some sessions where he gets things how he wants them and some where you get things how you want them. It wouldn't even need to be massively planned - just flip a coin quickly or something! But maybe he wouldn't go for this either. It sucks that you're not getting what you need and he's kind of making it about him (your requests become his anxiety.)
ReplyDeleteWhoa...he's talking about spontaneity, but you guys are "getting it in" only every six days? Where's the spontaneity in that? And he turns you down when you initiate? At times like these...maybe you ought to do some solo play and surprise him with what you like. This is not a time to get selfish, but he can't continue to call the shots all the time; that isn't fair to you.
ReplyDeleteIt's clear I'm not happy with how things are. I think I should treat his anxiety about pre-planned sex with respect. He didn't really explain it to me and it's frustrating that I got a negative reaction when I innocently suggested having sex later in the day. However, I have more than my fair share of hang-ups about sex and he's been patient and loving with me in this process.
ReplyDeleteSo his anxiety is real to him and we'll have to deal with it.
I guess when he wants to have sex, he initiates sex and so we have sex. Maybe one time I stopped him as I wasn't feeling well. And the few times he's stopped me he's been sore or tired. He's told me it's weird for him to be my only partner so maybe I expect a lot from him. And he's told me he wouldn't mind if I initiated more. It's just he does seem to have rules that aren't clearly defined to me, and if I fail twice, I stop trying.
it all seems so complicated when maybe it's not