Tuesday 13 June 2017

Awkward!

I've stayed friends with my ex, Nerdboy.  It was mostly his idea.  He just wouldn't go away.  We tried to get back together but his heart wasn't in it (and that was a hard realization for me).  I took a little break and started dating Silver Fox.  I can't quite remember how Nerdboy came back into my life but he did. We've worked on art projects together and he really gets a kick out of that.  He's helped me out in big ways now that I'm carless.  I even worry that I'm using him but I'm glad he's still in my life.  It's a weird dynamic because we can tease each other mercilessly and can dance around the edges of the fact that we used to be a couple.

A week ago Nerdboy was helping me prepare for an art show.  He told me he was dating again.  After we broke up he found a new group of friends (through a date that didn't click romantically actually!) and has been super social.  I thought it was great since he really didn't have friends when we were together.  His new girlfriend was one of these new friends and it just grew into something more. He asked if he could bring her to the art fair and I agreed, if he was also ready to meet Silver Fox.

It looked like our respective new partners were planning to come at different time slots and wouldn't meet, but of course it didn't work out that way.

Nerdboy's new girlfriend surprised me.  She's bubbly and really tried to say nice things about my art.  She was dressed quite fashionably and that actually was hard for me.  I would never dress that way.  She might be younger than me.  I expected someone a lot quirkier!

Nerdboy said their group of friends doesn't know they're dating yet.  The girlfriend wanted to keep it a secret.  She just got out of a relationship a few months ago.  I hope he doesn't get hurt.

Then my Silver Fox arrived and while me and New Girlfriend made awkward comments about the event, Silver Fox reached out and introduced himself to Nerdboy.  It was a gesture just slightly too big to be smooth, but it was good of him to make the first connection.  The brief conversation was just charged with awkwardness!  Then the two couples separated and walked around the fair.  We kept bumping into them.  Silver Fox told me after that he would try to sneak a peak at Nerdboy and they kept locking eyes!

I was quite keyed up and was super clingy to Silver Fox.

The next day Nerdboy helped me put everything back into storage and we laughed about how awkward it was.  I went to his house after and it was very weird.  I've been back several times since we broke up, but this time every physical spot brought back a memory.  Here's where we had sex on the couch, here's where I was standing when he broke up with me, here's where I would get my butt touched when I did dishes.  There's still some hurt there, not so much for the first breakup but the reconciliation that seemed so sweet but wasn't.

But honestly, I felt trapped with him.  There was a lot of good stuff, but loneliness too.  We seem happier as friends.  I guess that's a weird thing to do.

And my Silver Fox.  I've never felt like this before.  I just light up when I see him.  We are completely mushy for each other.  I'm so glad I got to feel this much in love.
He's still struggling with his anxiety over school.  He dropped out of one of his summer classes.  I don't know how to help but I'm trying to get him to see a school counselor.

I've been so busy and with the art fair done, I'm looking to take a break.  I've got lots of stuff to catch up on (haven't done my taxes, eek!)  and I've got to buy a car, clean the house and work on some health stuff.

Ah life!  Not sure where this is all going.  I'm happier than I've been in a long time but I could use a little rest.




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