Strides

The other day was mom was telling me about an old neighbour and I asked about the middle son (he's a few years older than me).  I haven't seen him in years, but I used to think he was cute.  He was really smart and a talented photographer as well. Apparently he's dating a woman now with severe health problems, like Crohn's disease or something, and he's become her main caregiver.  He never dated before this (which I didn't know) and his family thought he might be gay.  But his mother likes the woman he's dating and thinks she's good for him.

It was just a weird moment for me because it sounds exactly like my story.  Walrus was in the room at the time; I don't know if he clued in, or if my mother knew how much I was cringing while she was telling it.

This is going to be another jumbled outpouring, but here goes.  My best friend recently told me I had made big strides the last three months.  This was in a discussion we had after I heard a rumour from my sister that Mom might have to sell the house, due to some continued money disputes between my divorced parents.  Moving out is the next big step in me becoming you know, a grown-up.  Nothing's happening yet; it was just a hypothetical emergency to make me wake up.

Side note:  my best friend met a man on a train while travelling in Europe and wants to move to another province to be with him.  I'll keep you updated.  Life is strange sometimes!

I am a lot happier than I was last year, or even this summer.  School was so terrible last year, but it's not bad this year, and often enjoyable.  I had a fun summer job.  I have the long-awaited boyfriend.  Somehow I don't think it's just circumstances, although I know that's easy to say that now.  But at least some of it is my personal growth, and my attitude.  I have a plan, a plan I actually set in motion during a time when I was feeling really low, and it's starting to take shape.  I've found the kind of work I want to be doing and am impatient to be doing it.  Only a few more months of school, and then look out world! I really worked hard to get contacts in the field I want to get into and I've met some amazing people.  I've said yes to invites and taken chances when coincidence or fate threw something unexpected my way.  I'm still working on overcoming shyness, but strides there too.

I'm not going to lie- it feels nice to finally have a boyfriend and to do the things everybody else takes for granted.  At first holding hands and kissing freaked me out and now- well, never mind that!  (For the record, we haven't had a chance to have sex again yet.)  In a blushing and confused attempt to educate myself, I've been reading Cosmopolitan online for sex tips.  Women's Health magazine has some blunt ones as well.
I've been trying to buy pretty underwear for the first time.  I'm dressing up a bit more, paying some attention to how I look, even wearing a bit of makeup.  I wish I'd done this stuff a long time ago.  I think I would have been readier to have a relationship.  I've been a bit of a prude my whole life.  Maybe I had to be so I didn't go crazy.  The prudishness is dropping away very quickly.

I don't know if I'm qualified to give advice based on my expertise of a relationship of two whole months, but I know what has helped and what I regret.  It took me so long to realize I was in charge of my own life.