The saga continues. Walrus has been texting me daily. I was a bit sick, and somehow it became the thing for him to check up on me and start these conversations. I have an old phone and am terrible at texting.
Anyways, we were supposed to do something Wednesday and I cancelled and took a nap instead. When I awoke I had a burst of crazy energy and started working on an art project. When he texted me I made a joke about me being normal one day and it started this whole conversation that made me uncomfortable and yet somewhat flattered.
He replied, 'No, no! I like you just as you are.' He said he tried to be normal and ended up a workaholic with a stroke, an aborted marriage and an affinity for hard liquor. There was more stuff about how great it was that I was me being me and how it made him happy. I said this was too deep for texting and told him goodnight.
So, having put it off for days, I saw him tonight. This is the raw version I just emailed my best friend. Why does she have to be backpacking in Europe when I need her?
"Met him 4:30 at a coffee shop on ____ street. He was late. He gets his coffee and sits down and doesn't say much and I start babbling. He eats this huge coffee cake forever. We walk down _____ Street and go into a few shops. Conversation is start-and-stop. I am racking my brains for questions to ask, he doesn't ask me any. He might make general comments about something we pass and there's not much for me to say back.
In the book store he is tired and sits on a stool and I of course feel bad and we go to look for food. He talks about food a lot and has been to every restaurant we pass. He picks a place and I agree just to stop walking but it was more of a drinks place with an extremely limited menu. We sit outside at a high counter outside so we are side by side and I accidently placed myself on the other side of a beam (post? anyways a piece of wood) from him. I asked him to tell me about the stroke and that at least gets him talking for a long time. The other people on the patio left, i don't know if that was because of us. I asked about the hospital and the treatment etc which at least let me know what was going on.
He had a beer with dinner. Then he ordered desserts, and another beer. By then I was freezing and we moved inside while he finished beer number two. He was pretty spaced out by that time and stared at lights for a long time. He would occasionally snap out of it long enough to ask how I was doing. He paid. He walked me to the bus stop, I hugged him and hopped on the bus. I had his stupid coffee cake in my bag and forgot to give it back so there was another round of texting on the way home, he asked if I had a good time. I just said yes.
There was no compliments or attempts at hand-holding or anything romantic at all. That probably would have upset me greatly but it's weird when I get enthusiastic messages the rest of the time. Huge disconnect between the guy online and the guy in person. It's like I spent four hours with a robot. No, it's not quite that bad, but his emotions are a but muted. if I try and talk about my life he doesn't really ask questions about it, he just says 'excellent, excellent'
His stroke was in the right basal ganglia, which means I believe, that it was in the cerebellum or anyways a more primitive part of the brain. It controls appetite- he said he doesn't feel hungry. He eats a lot and talks about food constantly. He said he has no notion of time passing. I wonder if that's why he stares into space so much. He might have no idea how long I'm sitting there. Eye contact is still poor, although his eyes didn't seem so freaky as last time.
He said it was the second beer he had since his stroke. I don't know if he meant it was the first time he'd had beer, because he had two, or the second time.
He pulled out his iphone to look up some movie we were talking about and I saw that the background picture was one of my drawings. I didn't say anything.
He told me his younger sister had had addiction problems and went through some sort of detox program.
Conversation sometimes got going, we like a lot of the same stuff...I think a not-stroked-out Walrus would have been my undoing but this is just too hard. I don't know what happens now. I am very booked up for the next two weeks so that might give it enough space for me to say what i have to say. it is very sad."
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