Yesterday another bedroom fiasco. It hurt on the two previous attempts so naturally I was apprehensive. He was moving pretty quickly and I was too shy to tell him what I thought would work better, wasn't feeling ready and the whole thing was a no-go. Afterwards we did sort of talk about it.
He doesn't seem worried. I'm a nervous wreck.
I don't think I love him. Not feeling like I'm in love at all. This past week some minor character flaws were revealed, that I take to heart way too much. The incident in question was very minor. Walrus spit his gum on the ground and I freaked out, because to my mind that showed poor citizenship if not outright selfishness.
The bigger issues are perhaps 1. that with his skin problems, it's hard sometimes to find him attractive; 2, that I think he should be more in charge of his own recovery; 3 that strokes are difficult to deal with in general and 4, that getting him to talk about 'feelings' is like pulling teeth.
How easily could I walk away? I don't know. I do think about him all the time. We see each other almost every day, and I do miss him when we're apart. Maybe there's a new phase coming in the relationship. I don't really know how these things work.
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