So, I lucked out and found a great artist studio near my place (Nerdboy's place, which is now mine as well). It's $250 a month but it might be worth it just for the storage space. My goal for this year is simply to make enough to cover the cost of the studio with my art. Aim high! But really, it takes time to set up the relationships and find the market for my creative talents. Make it and they will come?
My grandmother died just before Christmas so I have to go out of town for the service and have to face my father this week.
Nerdboy. Oh, Nerdboy. We've been moving in my stuff, rearranging things, running errands. We've been driving each other a little crazy I think. His Christmas gift to me was a bit of a flop. A Doctor Who sonic screwdriver pen! He doesn't get the environmentalism thing at all. I just saw an overpackaged novelty item I can't recycle. There is a good chance he will never understand how I think about buying 'stuff'' (Everything is analyzed for its usefulness, longevity, ethical production, carbon footprint, etc) while he just sees the latest toy as 'cool' 'affordable' and 'I want it!'.
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Finally getting around to finishing this post, a week later.
Went to the small town where my grandparents live to attend my Grandma's funeral. I stayed at my uncle's, my dad also stayed there. His side of the family is huge so there were always relatives around. It was awkward but we were polite. On the morning of the last day of the trip (I drove up with my sister) he cornered me at breakfast and said, "Eleanor, we should start the New Year off right." I just froze and made a face, probably- really wasn't handling that like a grown-up. I mumbled something about I had to do it my way (the letter I promised I'd write him.) and he got angry and said, "I don't think you're treating me fairly and I'm very upset about that." I walked away.
Came home for New Year's Eve, still mourning and a bit stressed. Wanted to give the keys back to the roommate but he wanted me to clean the bathroom. I showered there once in December, Nerdboy was furious and wanted me to refuse. I hate conflict so I agreed to do it New Year's Day. Spent New Year's Eve at home with Nerdboy. In bed. Naked. Probably my best New Year's Eve ever.
Since then, we've been busy unpacking and reorganizing our place and setting up my studio. Nerdboy's been so helpful, I couldn't have done this alone. He had holidays, he said some saucy things about having morning sex every day but we haven't done anything since New Years. I don't really understand his sex drive or how to initiate sex so I just wait for him to give a sign but this week it was all cuddles. Sigh.
Not a lot new to report. Living together seems to work okay, we sometimes drive each other crazy but we talk about it. I noticed he does what he wants, while I always check in (he puts on his music, I ask permission.) Last time I asked, he chose music he thought I'd like. I tried to tell him I wanted to choose my own music. Next time, I just do it. I live here too.
The deeper issue still exists-- I'm so idealistic and he's not. He works fulltime, when he's home he wants to goof off. I believe life is about more than video games and internet cats. Humanity is facing a great crisis and we should all be acting to help others, to create change!! I've been skipping out on some of my volunteer activities while I'm in the 'new relationship' phase, but I'm going to go crazy if I'm not trying to act on what I care about. What if I sorta...look down on Nerdboy? That isn't going to work. How can I tell him why I get sullen and withdrawn when he spends hours at the computer without sounding like I'm judging him?
I guess a relationship is working if both parties think it's working. Clearly I'm not quite satisfied, although day to day, life is quite good with Nerdboy. I don't know.
I also don't like receiving most gifts when they seem like a waste of resources for the sake of a quick novelty joke or a random attempt to get something that I possibly might use, so I've been encouraging my wife to give me things such as donations to charity, or dinner at a restaurant, or other things that are not an unnecessary physical object. I've had some success.
ReplyDeleteIn some ways I'm more idealistic than she is (although the gap is probably smaller than between you and Nerdboy) but she has adopted some of my suggestions, and sometimes I feel like it's not my right to try to push her further than that - she has access to the same information that I do and she's making her own choices about how much to try to do or not do. But sometimes I do get tempted to push for her to do things that I think "people should do."