So last Sunday night I stayed over at his house. I ran out the door telling my mother in a gulp 'Ok I'mgoingtoSilverFox's tonight andI'mstayingover, bye!'
It took an hour and a half on the bus to get to his place.
I made pizza for us. Have I mentioned that he eats mostly (nutritional supplement)? It drives me nuts. He has almost no groceries on hand so I brought everything.
Then we watched a movie on his laptop, cuddling on the couch. I was feeling gassy (oh so sexy) and wanted to take off my jeans and belt, so I changed into some pjs. He suggested we move to the bed upstairs. He got naked. I stayed clothed but cuddled up. We did finish watching the movie in bed but then we were all over each other.
I blush like a schoolgirl talking about sex in 'normal life' but in bed I have learned to be pretty open.
We used the vibrator on me and that got my stupid cranky old muscles down there to relax. I said something about 'it' being difficult and he said 'I have funny genitalia too.' Which made me laugh so hard. Good thing he saw the absurdity too. We high-fived.
He got on top of me. We achieved penetration but uh...he doesn't thrust. He flexed it. Maybe he thought he was thrusting? I don't know but it didn't do anything for me.
I went on top. He made the most amazing faces of pleasure. But then he winced and said he was freaked out about his penis getting bent. I got off and he told me about how erections work and that penises can be broken. He said his ex did stuff that bent him. He seemed to know it was an irrational fear but sheesh, this is going to be hard to work with.
This sort of killed the mood but we just cuddled. We seem to like just looking into each other's faces. In fact, he said 'I just like looking at you.' I like his eyes. And he wanted to go again and we tried a new position (for him) that was a success. But again, not so much on the thrusting. Pick a rhythm already!
So it was a lot of fun but not the skill level I'm used to. And I feel like our exes came to bed with us but hopefully we can forget about them and learn together what works for us.
In the morning we did play around again but I guess he wasn't able to go again? I didn't really understand why it didn't happen and didn't ask, but we cuddled and caressed for a long time and I was purring like a cat. So a pretty ok substitute.
We were supposed to meet up with his best friend at lunch but he cut himself shaving in the morning and almost cancelled because he was self-conscious about the big gash on his face. How can insecurity be so self-important? No one is going to notice because they are all the centre of their own universes. Anyways, he was persuaded into going and I meet his friend and her two little girls.
He met this friend age 14 in the early internet messaging boards. I asked why they never dated. Well, she dated his older brother while he had a crush on her. Poor boy! But they've been friends for life, even though she is now married with kids. She seemed nice but we were at a playground and it's hard to socialize while someone is parenting.
She asked how we met and Silver Fox said we met at the festival. Which is true, but it left out the part about online dating, and since he'd told me that's how she met her husband, I can't figure out why he'd not be open about it.
~~~
I told Nerdboy that I was bringing a date to (festival we used to do together) and he sorta reacted badly. He said 'all I ask is that you don't go to the same shows as me', which of course I was not going to do. But then he posted something on facebook about being his own worst enemy, cancelled his birthday party, and the next day wrote to me 'You deserve to be loved and I know we got here because of my decision but it's still going to hurt to see you with someone else, just as it will be unpleasant for you when/if I meet someone'.
Well, he already has dated again, and spoke openly to me about it. And I cried about it, but I didn't write to him to tell him about my pain.
I could have said that (and a whole bunch more), but I just said comforting things because I didn't want him to be hurt. Why do women do this?
I cried all morning about it. I'm not quite over him, and he's not quite over me.
Stupid boy. It was your choice. I would have come back, up until about a month ago when we cuddled on your couch and you didn't ask for me back.
But now it's my decision too and I'm going to move forward.
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