late night talks

Hey, this post goes into some detailed sex stuff.  You've been warned!



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I've stayed over at Silver Fox's twice (at least) since the last blog post.  We are learning how to do sex together.  My body can be coaxed into cooperating, if we're patient.  He's having some trouble with his equipment.  So we take breaks, and cuddle, and it's probably actually perfect for my problem, because my body can decide it actually does want to participate.

He's having anxiety because he had the problem in the past and his ex was cruel about it.  She sounds like a cow.  I wish he hadn't gone back to her because we could have found each other much earlier!
He said he knows I'm different but thinking about the bad memories or just focusing too much on the problem makes the anxiety worse.

Despite these problems, we're having a good time.  I'm just not sure how to be helpful except to not be upset about it.

His ex once kicked him out of bed because of it.  Wow.

Last night it was particularly troublesome although eventually we briefly got both bodies in sync but the success was short lived.  I don't really understand what happened but he said he had to stop.
We just talked instead.  He seems to be able to talk openly about sex whereas I still have walls around the subject.  He told me he had a sexy dream about me and I didn't know how to take it. (blush)

I said I was very happy we were each other's second partner.

He said, "I feel like we are sort of kindred spirits even though we're very different.  Do you feel that?"

And I was so happy.  I do feel like there's nothing on the surface to make this work, and yet we connected so quickly.  I couldn't believe I'd found another late bloomer, purely by accident. I don't think he means just the sex thing but I can't name what it is we have in common.

From what I can work out, I think he only had sex about a year ago, and it was fraught with problems.  We talked about what it was like to not be in relationships.  He talked of some embarrassment, and feeling something was missing, but it didn't seem to be as big a deal as it was to me.  Being a virgin became part of my identity, even though it was secret.

And we talked about exes.  I told him the whole Nerdboy saga, a condensed version anyways.  He said 'that guy sounds like a piece of work'.  Which I guess is true.  I can't get perspective on it yet.
And Silver Fox said a little bit more about his unhealthy relationship with the Cow.

So finally someone stayed up late and bared souls with me.  It was a little painful and a lot wonderful.
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I really like him but I can see stuff about him I don't like.  Am I supposed to be in a love-struck blindness to his faults?  I hope not.  I am a little freaked out by how easy this has been so far.  I kinda think it could work....