Happy 100th Birthday to the All-Time Babe of All Time- Gene Kelly!
It is also the one year anniversary of the first meeting with Walrus. Trying not to think about that.
I'm still very sick. I've coughed so much I've torn a muscle under my ribs and am in tremendous pain. **Cough Cough [curse word]**
Had a two hour text chat with Walrus about politics the other day. I think we were just both bored. No harm done, right?
Found a new (Canadian!) dating blog. It's okay- a different viewpoint than mine. I liked this post though:
She posts horrible (and hilarious) messages men have sent her on online dating sites. I might do that for this blog! She writes back to these clueless men for some reason. She also has some horror stories. Honestly, I didn't realize dating was this complicated and now I'm terrified. I still think of dating in a very old fashioned way- sex comes later.
E wrote me back. He writes long messages but I can't get a good sense of him. I sorta suggested he could come to one of the festival events with me when it starts up in September.
I should probably be excited to meet people. I'm a nice, smart good looking girl, right? Instead I feel like I have all these confessions to make that will disappoint him. Live with mom. Looking for work. Trying to lose 10 pounds. Had one weird relationship. Trouble with sex....
So much baggage I have to deal with! Terrified doesn't begin to describe it.
I had a long cry late last night, since I couldn't sleep. Relived the break-up and the feelings of rejection that went with it, but it soon turned into a general 'what happens next for me?' cry. I am physically in pain, so it's easy to feel sorry for myself.
In a weird way, Walrus gives me inspiration. He had a stroke, lived in a hospital, and he went out and found me. I'm not sure how confident he was about what he had to offer, but he did it anyways. And he has to rebuild his life, learn strategies to cope with his disability, find a way to go back to work...Way harder than anything I'm likely to face.
*the whole I-can't-feel-sorry-for-myself-because-somebody-out-there-has-it-harder thing is a mixed blessing. It's a bit 'suck it up princess' and a bit 'I have to belittle my own pain, even though it is very real'
Really sorry to hear that you're still so sick. I had pneumonia two years ago - being incapacitated and in pain makes everything so much harder.
ReplyDeleteI think dating can be complicated but it's different for everyone. There's no right or wrong way to go about it, and you're certainly not the only person out there who prefers going at a slower pace. Reading about how some other people do it can be scary but it doesn't mean that your experiences have to be like theirs.
I really think that the right guy for you won't see most of your "baggage" as a big deal. Sure, if you were looking to date someone like Charlie Sheen's character in Two-and-a-Half Men then it could be tricky, but you're not, right? Honestly, lots of men place far more importance on things like honesty, intelligence and thoughtfulness. And I don't ever remember hearing a guy say "oh man, I met this cool girl but I don't think she's had enough sexual experience!" I think women are more likely to want men to be sexually experienced. I'd say the main thing which a lot of men want women to be is enthusiastic!
Even I wonder how sympathetic I'd be to a virgin male pursuing me... Terrible double standard! I have to say I'd rather be a girl who hasn't dated than a guy.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the kind words. You're right, a good guy won't mind the baggage. I mind, but that's another problem.