I'm in a pensive mood, and besides, I don't want my last post about an embarrassing situation to be at the top of the page anymore!
The job interview went well, I thought, but they are interviewing a lot of people, so it depends who my competition is.
What's harder on the ol' self esteem- the job market or the dating
Why did I want to go into a field that is all about working with people? I'm an introvert! And judgmental as all get out! I keep thinking the solution is for me to get more training. I'm so insecure. I think I'm smart and hard working, but at the same time, I secretly feel no one will want to hire me, that I'm missing something...
I did the same thing with dating. Once I had this 'one thing' accomplished, I would be ready to put myself out there. The 'one thing' was always changing, and usually something I thought I'd accomplish a year or two in the future, so I was safe from facing rejection without ever risking anything.
*Sigh*
Just graduated and looking for that job that will get me in the door. Meanwhile, I'm drifting a bit aimlessly. I have goals upon goals, so I should be just knuckling down and getting things done, but I feel overwhelmed or unmotivated or something!
Walrus is just going mad at the group home- hating every meeting and every rule and every form to be filled out. For the first time, I understand how stuck he feels. I feel like I'm waiting for something to happen too.
I've heard of late bloomers, but how have I managed to stall growing up this long?
I need to move out. I need a job to really make that feasible. What does the future hold?
Walrus wrote a short novel (novella?) a few years ago, in one of those "Write a book this weekend" contests. ( Maybe contest is the wrong word.) Anyways he wrote it in a very short time period, under intense pressure. It's 'experimental'.
I don't know if it holds together as a whole novel, but pieces of it are very good. Strange, inventive, observant, dryly funny...
Where did it come from? Where is this side of him? I see it so rarely...I don't think it's gone with the stroke, because we 'met' through writing to each other, and it came out a bit then. He told me he feels very different when he writes, a state of mind almost trance-like.
Is it cheesy to say that's the part of him I fell for when I read his profile? Because I did want to meet him so much.... It's easy to forget that now!
It's been hard, to say the least. Strokes are no fun. Usually relationships don't start in the hardest time of someone's life, except maybe nurses falling for the soldiers they care for...
There are times I want to quit. Times I wonder if I'm putting my life on hold with all the energy I put into helping him...If I could go back to the first meeting, I don't think I'd choose differently though. It's been an experience, good and bad and up and down, but overall I get something out of it.
Reading his writing has helped me see him, and he's dear to me at the moment. Even if sometimes I want to throttle him!
And err, I think the toy has helped me...relax, and that at the soonest opportunity, we can attempt sexual relations again. Maybe that will be the end of the blog?
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