Friend in the North called me on the weekend. I've known her since I was twelve and she's been there for me through all my little heartbreaks, but she met a man and moved far away to be with him. I'm really happy for her, but I'm missing our talks. It just isn't the same. Her attention isn't there. Her man comes in and tickles her while she's on the phone. Even if he's out, her mind is full of her own life. The pattern of our phone calls was always that she'd talk, usually for about half an hour, and then it was my turn, and then real back and forth conversation got going. I need time to warm up, it seems, even if I have something I want to talk about I build up to it gradually.
And lately I've been feeling like I needed someone to talk to, and she's been especially distracted and I almost dreaded her calls, they were so unsatisfactory. But this time she ran out of stuff to say quickly and I jumped in and talked about the party. And she was really listening, just like she used to.
We talked about career options for me (this week, two people have suggested I make a youtube channel of instructional art videos. Never thought of that, don't really want to be on the internet, but it would get my name out there, if I had an etsy shop linked to it, for example) She thought I needed to do my art or I get weird. Even if I'm looking for another job or get another job, I need to be an artist. I'm wondering how much I need to make money from it...I think I need to share my art. Money may or not be a part of that. (I don't paint, but I draw and make 3D things and do a lot of theatrical stuff, masks, etc)
I told her I had no single friends left, and that there were people I wanted to invite to the party but I had the feeling that for some of my female friends, leaving the kids home with the hubby while they went out for a Saturday party would be a bit of an issue. (Seriously, men- if you're going to be a father, you have to not pout when your wife wants a day away from the kids. It's not the 1950's anymore.)
She went on a long pep talk about 'love comes when you're not looking' and 'you just have to wait' and she didn't automatically become a better happier person when she found her boyfriend... I had to cut her off... That's not want I want to hear- it doesn't help, for one thing- I was actually trying to talk about the social things that surround not having settled down and started a family when everybody else has....
Then we had a long conversation about the environment. Specifically about how to change people's behaviors (I'm realized that changing people's behaviors might be a major theme for me- in art, or when I teach, or in whatever activism I get into...) and more specifically about me getting angry or judgy when people don't think about the environment as much as I do. (There was a conversation with Walrus after the zero waste class. I was telling him about how it went. Someone had asked if you could recycle used Kleenex and I had stifled a laugh. Walrus said, 'You can't?' No, you can't recycle boogers! Then I got mad (inside) that he didn't care about recycling and wasn't the man I wanted him to be or something, and he got mad because I was being condescending, and then I apologized and said I was a jerk and then he said he was too usually. This was all texting. He couldn't see I was crying. I cried all evening and just hated myself. I'm not sure what that was all about.)
I told Friend in the North all that, and then I said, "I just get so angry because this stuff is second nature to me and I think about it a lot and am willing to make sacrifices or put in the time and effort to do my part, and no one else is. When I go to the grocery store..."
I trail off as I hear a man's voice talking to my friend on her end of the phone. I can't hear what he's saying.
"Sorry, Boyfriend just came in. Hun, I'm on the phone with Eleanor. You were saying?
"When I'm at the grocery store and I'm the only one who's brought my own bags..."
I hear more deep rumblings and giggles from her.
"Can you hear what he's saying?"
"No."
"He said, 'Pants off. Sex now.' No, hun I'm talking to Eleanor about the environment...go away!"
More giggles. I hear him say 'Sex time. I want sex time'
"I think I'd better let you go."
"No, he's being terrible. What were you saying....plastic bags? Go on..."
"Yeah, people won't even give up plastic bags and that's the easiest first step. Listen, I have to go...thanks for the chat."
Sigh. This is what I was trying to tell her....Couples live in couple-world, even if they think nothing's changed.
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