Swimming in the Deep End

A lot going on.
Our Indian Summer ended with a torrential rain.  Now the skies are clear, but a coldness has settled in.  Crisp and windy.  It's autumn.

I'm halfway through the festival.  The first day made me so angry.  I'd spent a month being a gofer and decorating, then was expected to know how to use the database and a whole bunch of policies and procedures I didn't feel trained in.  But I figured it out quickly.  I had to.  I like solving problems, but dealing with people (coming up to you, phoning constantly, emailing, and on walkie-talkies) tires me out.  Some people are lovely, some people are.... ARRRRRGH!

Sorta got the swing of things now.  Last night I finally got my supervisor alone and told her about the other interns talking about the volunteer whose gender was indeterminable.  She thanked me for telling her and was pretty annoyed at them.  The festival has zero tolerance for discrimination. She said she would do some 'sensitivity training' with them.  When I left that night she made a point of walking me out and thanking me again.  I wished I'd said something earlier.  She also said I had picked up the computer stuff quickly and was doing a good job.

I'm going back to the doctor today because the cough is coming back and I'm still covered in red bumps.  They're spreading to my arms, up my neck and down my stomach.  What the heck?  I have a date in two days!

I've seen some shows at the festival that have moved me or made me think, but I can't really go into the details.  Only that some people have amazing stories and find a way to survive.  I've been taking friends to see shows and it feels really nice to have a life!

Last night I saw one that'd I'd heard great things about.  It was about a topic Walrus really loves, so I invited him.  He wanted to go, but it was pretty late at night.  In the end he claimed a headache and didn't come.  I didn't think he would, although he did seem enthusiastic about the show and appreciated the invite.  We had a conversation (by text, always by text) about books before I made the invite.  I'm not sure what I'm doing.  I don't want him back, but I feel bad for him.  Same old story.  There is a bit of hurt still- it crossed my mind that he stayed out much later the night he went to the party without telling me...

Had an interview last week and flubbed it.  I feel like I'm blowing interview after interview this summer.  I haven't heard about the one I did for the youth organization.

Went to the friend's girls-only tarot card party and was tired and headachey after a day at the festival.  I wasn't much fun.  My tarot cards gave me boring fortunes!  I'd get some good news from a bureaucrat and I was healing from a minor health complaint.  My friend's apartment was very clean.  I really noticed all the displays of precious objects and knickknacks and art on the walls.  My house doesn't have stuff like that.  If we do it's buried under a pile of old magazines.  Sigh.  Also my friend's husband smoked a joint on the patio while we were there and I was mildly uncomfortable, even though my friend said she didn't smoke herself.

So yeah.  The big thing is meeting E, still scheduled for two days from today.  Maybe it's a good thing I didn't see Walrus this week.  There's going to be emotions there- go forward or go back?  Don't want to hurt Walrus, but gotta seek my happiness.

I think I'd be a lot more nervous if the festival wasn't so much stimuli overload.  I really live one day at a time and come home exhausted.  I hope I'm doing okay.