I was out with a friend yesterday for a wild night of watching the new Dr Who episode (Yeah, I'm nerdy) and Walrus was texting me a bit. He said he's bought me a hat for my a birthday, one of those 'cloche' style hats that were popular in the 1920's. I haven't seen the hat yet, but I hope he didn't spend a lot of money on it. And why did he get me a gift? Does he think we're getting back together? It seems unlikely that he's just thanking me for being a good friend...
I probably should be beyond this stage at this point, but in my mind I am analyzing what would need to change to make a relationship with Walrus work. It's a fairly long list. I hope this process helps me learn what I need in a relationship and helps me move on.
I admit there's a small part of me that would consider getting back together with him. Considering it isn't the same as doing it though. Buying me a hat doesn't fix things!
Alright. Now what happens?
You're right, a hat certainly doesn't fix things. Do you think he's getting mixed signals from you? Men really need the bluntness that we women tend to avoid. He needs to know exactly where he stands with you with black and white words, nothing alluded to. And men are do-ers, not listeners, so if you say something about your birthday to them they will think they need to acknowledge it in some sort of physical way, card, present etc.
ReplyDeleteI agree with HJ about men needing bluntness and also about men being more about doing things than about listening.
ReplyDeleteAs for what happens now... who knows? It seems like both you and Walrus still want the other one in your life at least in some respects, so I guess only time will tell. This sort of reminds me of a line from Lord Of The Rings, with Gandalf talking about Gollum, although now I feel kind of bad for coming up with that analogy!
Walrus is my Gollum? Oh dear!
ReplyDeleteBut we seem to want to keep talking to each other, although I'm not sure of the reasons. It's not just so that we can both stay in our choir...
It crossed my mind that his interfering mother might have bought the hat, or been involved in this, because otherwise I don't know where he would have got the money.
I think it's much more important to figure out what your reasons are than to figure out what his reasons are. You need to know what you want before you could decide how to respond to what he wants, even if you knew what that was.
ReplyDeleteFor some reason I'm remembering the times when you've said that you partly wish you were still together so that you could properly have sex. Ever considered suggesting Friends With Benefits or something like that? I don't know if that's of any help at all but for some reason it just popped into my head.
Friends With Benefits with Walrus? No, I don't think that's an option. Or with anyone, really.
ReplyDeleteIf I just wanted sex, I imagine I could find a way to make that happen. I was annoyed that Walrus and I didn't have sex because we were in a relationship and that's what you're supposed to do in a relationship. Yeah I want to have sex but only on my terms. Anyways, I've waited this long and I'll keep waiting.
My reasons. Hmm. If I wanted some vindication I wasn't a bad girlfriend to him I guess I've got that.
Fair enough - I just had that idea pop into my head and thought I'd throw it out there. I'm not really into the concept of "supposed to" - it seems like a step along the line towards telling people that there's a right way and a wrong way to live, whereas I like the idea of everyone just doing what's right for them as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else. But you're talking about what feels right for you, so fair enough - it's good to be in touch with that.
ReplyDelete