The phrase which popped into my mind first when reading these two posts was "I don't miss him; I miss the person I hoped he would be." Also a song called "The first cut is the deepest" - first breakups are often hard to get over. (Mine certainly was.) Thirdly, I think this whole thing is partly affecting you more because there are parts of your life that aren't how you want them to be yet. If you had a brilliant job and you were confidently heading back into the dating scene (which is where I hope you'll be in time) then I think the effect of the Walrus situation would be reduced.
I think it is very true that I am missing some ideal version of him that wasn't there, or at least the early days of the relationship when he thought I was amazing and I was so swept up in the newness of it all that I didn't care about anything else.
I don't miss him because I see him at least once a week, and talk almost daily! So, my brain pretends to be logical and thinks: if we see each other that much, why do we have to give up the kissing and cuddling? This is a weird thing we're attempting to do, being close friends so quickly.
The fact that I have nothing else to compare this to is a big part of the problem. It's all I know of relationships, and I waited a long time for it. I don't want to feel like I am settling for little crumbs of happiness, to think that's all I'm going to get in the future because that's all I've gotten so far.
I met him just over a year ago, and now events/holidays that we did together have rolled around again, and I'm remembering doing them with him. So I am looking back on all those experiences, 'firsts', lessons learned...wow. I should be grateful to him for that and be glad I've gained a friend.
It is selfish to want to be loved when I don't love in return.
The phrase which popped into my mind first when reading these two posts was "I don't miss him; I miss the person I hoped he would be." Also a song called "The first cut is the deepest" - first breakups are often hard to get over. (Mine certainly was.) Thirdly, I think this whole thing is partly affecting you more because there are parts of your life that aren't how you want them to be yet. If you had a brilliant job and you were confidently heading back into the dating scene (which is where I hope you'll be in time) then I think the effect of the Walrus situation would be reduced.
ReplyDeleteI think it is very true that I am missing some ideal version of him that wasn't there, or at least the early days of the relationship when he thought I was amazing and I was so swept up in the newness of it all that I didn't care about anything else.
ReplyDeleteI don't miss him because I see him at least once a week, and talk almost daily! So, my brain pretends to be logical and thinks: if we see each other that much, why do we have to give up the kissing and cuddling?
This is a weird thing we're attempting to do, being close friends so quickly.
The fact that I have nothing else to compare this to is a big part of the problem. It's all I know of relationships, and I waited a long time for it. I don't want to feel like I am settling for little crumbs of happiness, to think that's all I'm going to get in the future because that's all I've gotten so far.
I met him just over a year ago, and now events/holidays that we did together have rolled around again, and I'm remembering doing them with him. So I am looking back on all those experiences, 'firsts', lessons learned...wow. I should be grateful to him for that and be glad I've gained a friend.
It is selfish to want to be loved when I don't love in return.