Sarah Vaughan sings 'Lover Man'
A song for all those who are still waiting....Sometimes it feels like it was written for me.
(tried to embed the video...not sure how to do it.)
For the last two nights I've cried myself to sleep. Not sure why, or how to get out of this mood. I think I'm just frustrated with everything. Still just treading water...
I think I had the idea that the universe would even things out for me; since I waited so long, my first romance would be a good one. It didn't happen that way.
Observations from others:
#1 I went to visit my friend the art teacher. I used to volunteer in her classroom. For some reason she's the sort of person you just tell everything too. She deals with teenagers all day long, and she's been teaching for 20 years. She's heard everything. She said 'of course he's still talking to you. You're you. You're so loyal.'
I'm not sure how she identified me as loyal from the Walrus situation sketched out to her in a few sentences. As I was leaving, she told me, 'Date again. Get out there!'
#2 My friend in the north called me and I told her the backrub story and that I was crying a lot. She said I'd done a lot of work on myself this year, torn down some walls and it's no wonder I'm raw. She said I just have to be raw for a while. Great.
Then we talked about if I were to date again, what would happen to the friendship with Walrus? Would I expect the next guy to be understanding about it, or would the friendship have to end? She said you have to choose the new relationship over the old. Then she questioned my motivations for staying friends with Walrus. 'Guilt', she said. 'It's always guilt if I keep them in my life.'
Anyways, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. There's a lot of obstacles between here and there already.
I did get an OKC message that was quite nice and replied to it and then never heard anything. It's been a week.
But the crying.....Here's the thing in a nutshell. I waited so long to be held, to hear that I was beautiful, and when it finally happened, I couldn't believe how nice it felt. So yes, some protective walls came down. But it didn't last, and I don't trust that something better is coming for me. If broken old Walrus didn't even want me...
I know what I have to do. Exercise, clean, get a part-time job, draw and go out and see people and try things. Stay busy and get things done and the depression won't have anything to feed on.
How do you get yourself out of a funk?
Happy Halloween, by the way.
It seemed like you answered your own question about getting out of a funk - the "I know what I have to do" paragraph looks like a good plan!
ReplyDeleteI think the question of whether a new guy would be understanding of the Walrus friendship depends mainly on what the new guy ends up being like. I think a lot of guys wouldn't have any problem with it. Others might, but if a new guy were really paranoid about it then that might be a red flag about that guy. So overall I think staying friends with Walrus is unlikely to be a problem for most good candidates for New Guy.
I sorta thought a good guy wouldn't have a problem with Walrus but my friend was really aghast at the idea and it made me feel naive. It was almost like she believed a boyfriend should be jealous of exes or he doesn't care enough.
ReplyDeleteI was more concerned about me feeling 'free' to date again when Walrus is still in contact daily, and that hanging out with him further decreases the already small chance that I would talk to new people while out and about.
I don't think there's any concensus on staying in touch with exes versus not - I've heard a range of opinions. But I don't agree with your friend about jealousy being a sign of caring - I think jealousy is a sign of insecurity. I'm not trying to say that if someone is insecure then they're a terrible person - I think most of us have varying amounts of insecurity on some issue or another. And I guess it's possible that you might meet a new guy who is insecure/jealous but is a promising prospect in other ways. But I don't think there's any need for pre-emptive action for this reason. However, as you say, it does sound like your "feeling free to date again" part is a bigger concern. If you feel less likely to meet new people when you're out with him then maybe there'll come a time when you decide to prioritise meeting new people over spending time with him.
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