So yesterday I had a bit of a sulk. Photographer changed his fb profile pic to one with The Girl in it, just in case there was any doubt. It's not so much that I was interested in him as that I'm mad that I was wrong, that I let myself get carried away. And maybe a little bit, some sorta 'that was your only chance' thoughts ran through my head. The fact that he liked this dorky movie tipped the scales just enough in his favour that if, hypothetically, he had shown more interest I would probably have gone along with it, because I'm bored out of my skull and sick sick sick of waiting for whatever it is I'm waiting for.
To relieve the sulk, I did some OK Cupid browsing. I made an account a few weeks ago after reading the New Yorker article previously posted. At least OKC cuts out all the guys who post pictures of themselves posing shirtless in the bathroom mirror and whose profiles are just random keyboard mashings. I haven't filled out my profile completely nor posted a picture. I recognized someone I used to work with. What's the etiquette for that?
I opened the account to be a looky-loo while I decide if I wanted to really invest time in it or not. Last night I tried answering more of the OK Cupid questions that are supposed to help you find your matches. I was really uncomfortable with some of the questions: "Do you have sex after date 1-2, 3-5, 6+, or after the wedding?" People have sex on the first date with people they met online? Waiting till the 6th date is apparently really prudish. Even on Big Bang Theory, Bernadette told Howard the third date meant sex.
These are not expectations I'm comfortable with.
One profile was a high match for me and I liked everything he had written until I reached the bottom and it said he was looking for short term dating and casual sex, with younger women. That's when I logged off.
It makes me feel like I'm a kid playing in the grown-up sandbox. (Does that even make sense? It's almost 1am...) Or possibly I was born 100 years too late, because my notions are considerably out-dated and old fashioned.
I don't drink, I don't go to clubs, and my typical Friday night is spent at home watching "What Not To Wear" and working on some ridiculous art project alone.
I didn't even swear until I started driving. Seriously, for 25 years I could remember every time I let a curse word slip and could count them on my fingers. Now I swear much more than necessary.
Anyways.
Lately in Canada there's been a lot of match.com commercials running and I am fascinated by them. They claim to show real first dates from the site. They are the typical nice restaurant first date. The people are dressed up. They hug or get a peck on the cheek when they first meet. They show some small talk. It all seems completely fake-o and surreal. One woman throws her head back and laughs at everything her date says, and her date seems really boring and unnatural.
I don't want to do that. I don't like restaurants. I don't like small talk. I don't know how to flirt. I don't know how to do this whole mating dance that doesn't seem to have much to do with who we really are as individuals.
I'm kinda feeling like I'm screwed. Too weird for mainstream, too normal for alternative groups, don't know the rules of the game and too scared to try.
As you can probably tell, I'm frustrated and negative right now. I want something to happen so badly but have no idea what to do next. And there's two pieces of advice that are always offered to the lovelorn- just live your life to make you happy and it will happen on its own, and go out and make something happen.
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