So tonight I met the guy I called 'the bearded fellow' or 'The Walrus'.
I only mentioned it once, a long while back, that he had a 'medical emergency' in the spring.
It was pretty serious- a stroke. At that time his fiancee broke up with him. That was only a few months ago, and even though I really liked his profile that was not really an inducement to write to him. I figured events that traumatic would really mess a person up. Then he wrote to me, and you can read the whole story of our correspondence in previous posts... (and see all the red flags I missed....?)
Anyways, so I knew he had a stroke. I knew he walked with a cane. I pictured him going to physio several hours a day, yes, but still living independently and seeing people and perhaps even still taking classes at night. Then I started talking to him. I knew his life was pretty boring at the moment, alternating with difficult but I did not grasp the severeness of the stroke's impact at all.
His speech is slightly impaired. His hair has a shock of white in it. His skin is peeling in patches, and one ear is especially hard to look at. He's obviously lost weight. He did not look like his pre-stroke pictures at all.
Three months ago they told him he might never walk again. They told him his left arm was dead. He walks quite briskly with that cane actually. His left hand can't do much but it's not dead. He fought this thing so hard. I think he's still a permanant patient in the hospital. He's lived there all summer.
It was very awkward. I got super-cheerful and just babbled on, like some people do around invalids.
I had to go to a meeting after so there was a time limit. I hugged him and ran off.
He's written me a few messages already tonight, thanking me, asking me to dinner, asking what my favourite flower is. What do I do? I feel like a shithead but I can't take on this type of responsibility. oh dear how do I get myself into these things? I am so sad and frustrated for him because he's a good guy, but I can't fix things for him.
My life is so surreal.
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ReplyDeleteI've been reading your blog for a while and I'm enjoying your writing, because I can relate to you in some ways. Like you, I had crushes in my early teens but never thought of actually dating; and like you, I was focused on school, not boys, during university. I also have a creative streak (for creative writing, not art!) and I've always thought that for a romantic partner, I'd need to find someone who thought a little outside the box.
ReplyDeleteThe story of the "bearded fellow" definitely took an interesting twist! I was thinking, though, that maybe you shouldn't give up on him yet (if you feel like you like his personality and you have things in common). The reason is that you may not have a lot of dating experience, but he also knows there's not a lot of people who would take a chance on him right now, so he might be more patient/accepting of your lack of experience than other men might be. I don't want that to come across the wrong way - of course, you deserve better than a sick man - but you also don't know how much better his health might be down the road. You can't "fix" things for him or take care of an invalid, and you need to be clear about that to him - but is he someone who is worth getting to know? would you want to be with him if he were well? If so, you might want to tell him to slow down with the compliments and his expectations (like you did over the online messaging), and just take some time to get to know him.
Just my thoughts...P.S. I'm also Canadian :)
I've been in a similar situation...the guy I met online neglected to tell me that he had cancer -- a rare form of cancer, as it turns out, that left him permanently disabled. When I met him, I was shocked to discover he no longer looked anything like his pre-illness photos and that he relied heavily on a cane and walked with a noticeable limp.
ReplyDeleteHe became too invested too quickly and I quickly became overwhelmed and scared.
Considering this happened years ago and I'm still single, you can imagine how things turned out for us.