I'll need to write more in the morning, not sure why I'm even writing this now. I guess I'm just wired.
Just got home from date with lip piercing guy and am so overwhelmed. Why does all the weird stuff happen to me? He'd prepared a picnic for us, conversation was okay, we went for a walk, I held his hand and somehow he started to tell me stuff about his past...he used hard drugs as a teen, got himself clean and legally changed his name for a fresh start. Ok, I'm so drug-free I hardly take aspirins so I have no way to deal with this information, no way to be empathetic. Then it comes out that he has had relationships with men before and considers himself bisexual, although he mostly dates women. I didn't ask questions, this was too much to process. We just walked on, holding hands.
I just want to say that I think sexuality is a spectrum and we all have elements of and attractions to both genders to varying degrees. I myself think women's bodies are more beautiful than men's, but I don't think I've ever crushed on a woman. I rarely crush on men, so it's hard to say.
But, I admit I was a bit uncomfortable. His voice is a bit effeminate, just a little. Enough that I noted it at the first meeting with disappointment. I admire deep voices, big hands, broad shoulders...I like an element of the masculine without being macho.
I think I would be fine with his sexuality eventually, and the rocky past of his youth, if I felt more attracted and comfortable with him as an individual. He was so nervous, so willing to put himself down, that it was hard to relax. If he's not happy with himself, if he wants me to fix him, no I can't do that.
I don't know what I feel. I did give him a quick kiss at one point and he sorta giggled after. He really seems keen on me. I said I'd see him again. Maybe that is all wrong. I have no idea how to do these things... The only attraction is that he likes me....I tried that before and it didn't work. Just because I try to see the good in people doesn't mean I have to bring them home with me.
Maybe he's just letting you know so you're not surprised with it later? But I agree with you in that if the only attraction is that he likes you that's not a good sign :( I'm sure I read an article about that very phenomenon somewhere....
ReplyDeleteVanessa
I think he wasn't planning to tell me but it was bursting to get out. I am constantly thinking of when to explain the almost-virgin thing to a date, I need someone who can accept that and I don't want to waste time if they won't. I generally hold things back though.
ReplyDeleteYesterday I told this guy I'd only dated one person, I didn't elaborate.
He was so nervous he stumbled over words, laughed at his own jokes before he told them, and generally put himself down at every opportunity. It was really hard to enjoy his company when I had to keep reassuring him and telling him to relax.
Yeah it's probably a bad sign that I'm not more attracted to him. I think people can grow on you, but it would be really nice to have both parties equally excited about each other, for a change.
Yeah the virgin thing can make an already awkward process (dating) even more awkward! He's sounds very eager! LOL Obviously the final choice is with you, you are after all the boss of your own universe, and you just can't force chemistry-although some people would have you try, I've never been able to be attracted to someone I don't find instantly attractive. I can however be turned off someone I'm attracted to if they are a douche, unfortunately it doesn't seem to work the other way where the guy is really nice but you just aren't feeling it physically. And look at me sounding like 'the great guy tamer', I've never even been on a date ;)
ReplyDeleteVanessa
Sounds like a tricky situation. Can you see yourself being friends with him? Do you think you'd be more attracted to him if he had more self-confidence? I'm sure it's nice to have the upper hand for a change. I don't think I'd be able to date a bisexual man; too much competition, lol.
ReplyDeleteIf you're not comfortable around him and don't want to get to know him on that level, you don't have to. You gave him a second chance and there's still no connection. You can't force what isn't there.
ReplyDeleteYou shouldn't date someone out of pity or because you feel that you can't do any better. It wouldn't be fair to you or to him.